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Holy Week resources and reflections

Appreciation with REAL impact

 

It's noon on Wednesday. In fifteen minutes you are meeting a colleague for lunch to discuss a conflicted situation in the presbytery. The phone rings, and you discover that your daughter has a fever and you need to take her home from school. You wonder if she will be able to go to school tomorrow. Tomorrow morning at ten o'clock there is a memorial service. Your spouse is out of town on business for two more days. Should you call the pediatrician? What if your son gets sick, too? Whose turn is it to drive school carpool? The session meeting went late last night and with several interruptions this morning, you are behind on final sermon preparation for Sunday. The bulletin has to be completed before day's end, and the hymns you chose weeks ago just don't seem to fit now. You didn't sleep well after the session meeting last night, as you mulled over how to respond to budget issues. You're pulled in three directions by three very influential elders, all of whom are pressuring you to advocate their proposal, and two of whom think of themselves as special friends of yours. As you hurry out of the office, the administrative assistant hands you a note. Oh no, the dentist appointment at three o'clock!  

Grieving families, worship preparation, presbytery obligations, meetings, colleagues, your own family's needs, session responsibilities, disagreements, self care--a day in the life of a congregational pastor.

It’s noon on Wednesday. In fifteen minutes you are meeting a colleague for lunch to discuss a conflicted situation in the presbytery. The phone rings, and you discover that your daughter has a fever and you need to take her home from school. You wonder if she will be able to go to school tomorrow. Tomorrow morning at ten o’clock there is a memorial service. Your spouse is out of town on business for two more days. Should you call the pediatrician? What if your son gets sick, too? Whose turn is it to drive school carpool? The session meeting went late last night and with several interruptions this morning, you are behind on final sermon preparation for Sunday. The bulletin has to be completed before day’s end, and the hymns you chose weeks ago just don’t seem to fit now. You didn’t sleep well after the session meeting last night, as you mulled over how to respond to budget issues. You’re pulled in three directions by three very influential elders, all of whom are pressuring you to advocate their proposal, and two of whom think of themselves as special friends of yours. As you hurry out of the office, the administrative assistant hands you a note. Oh no, the dentist appointment at three o’clock!  

Grieving families, worship preparation, presbytery obligations, meetings, colleagues, your own family’s needs, session responsibilities, disagreements, self care–a day in the life of a congregational pastor.

Generally, pastors learn how to juggle very creatively and efficiently.  Many, in fact, thrive on the multiple challenges and unpredictable ebb and flow of pastoral ministry. As a result, there is a tendency to think that these Christian servants, empowered by God, are indefatigable. Given the multiple tasks of ministry and the intimate involvement of pastors in the life traumas of families, the church, and the broader community, however, it is clear that pastors need enormous physical, emotional, and spiritual resources. Whether it results from one extremely traumatic event, a difficult situation that is ongoing, or simply the many regular tasks of ministry, stress can build up over time until it undermines the pastor’s ability to function. There is growing evidence that stress plays a significant role in many of the illnesses prevalent in this country. Pastors are not exempt. While pastoral ministry provides a wonderful opportunity to respond to God’s call, the stressful nature of the work is often overlooked, both by the congregation and by the pastor.

What can church members, a session, or the presbytery do to help? Three areas of stress for pastors illustrate the problem and three “appreciative actions” illustrate what could promote healthier pastors as well as healthier congregations.

 

Demands on time

For pastors, there is always one more visit to make, another meeting to attend, a sermon or program to plan, conflicts to resolve, and issues needing creative responses. Constant busyness may preclude the imaginative work necessary for effective pastoral ministry. Brain research shows that creativity comes during times of rest after periods of hard work and concentration. Pastors need uninterrupted blocks of time, creative space. Hard work is important to the creative process, but downtime is equally essential. Creativity emerges from alternating between the two.

In our noisy, fast-paced, consumerist society, congregations tend to view a pastor’s long hours as a confirmation of call and a sign of commitment. However, rather than being a sign of faithfulness, failure to take days off, to use continuing education weeks and money, to enjoy the full vacation time as true vacation, and to receive sabbatical leave when it is available, are important danger signs that the health of the pastor is at risk. This, in turn, jeopardizes the congregation’s health.

Expectations about how pastors’ time should be used often come from congregants’ own work lives, the ways in which other pastors have been perceived, and the work ethic of congregants’ families of origin. Assessing thoughts and feelings about work and clarifying the sources of one’s beliefs are beneficial exercises for anyone. For personnel committees, adopting structures for assuring creative space and genuine downtime for pastors provides a tremendous service to pastors and the congregations they serve. When the work of the pastor and session includes regular and realistic assessment of the most important priorities for the congregation at this time in its history, along with a clear statement of priorities in terms of expectations of the pastor, both congregation and pastor are likely to achieve a more focused, healthier ministry.

 

Demands on authenticity

If there are 200 members in the congregation, there are probably at least 200 different expectations of what is appropriate for the pastor in terms of relating to others, professional and casual attire, conducting a meeting, recreational activities, tone of voice during prayer, eating and drinking, domestic responsibilities–the list is infinite.

Again, these expectations of the pastor’s very being and style usually result from congregants’ own backgrounds, including experiences of other pastors and expectations learned growing up in their particular families. To complicate matters further, congregants’ expectations may change depending upon their individual needs at any given time as well as their anxiety level at any given moment. Confronted with these multiple expectations, it is challenging for pastors to be themselves. Nevertheless, by extending the call to the pastor, the congregation and presbytery affirm their belief that the Holy Spirit is leading this particular pastor with her or his unique background, style, and way of being to this community of faith–that her/his authentic self is considered essential in the life of the congregation for an important purpose yet to be discovered.

Pastors provide the best possible leadership by leading in ways congruent to the self. Working as an authentic self lowers anxiety and allows for a more realistic view of oneself, others, the congregation as whole, and the decisions and issues that arise. When pastors are truly self aware and lead from a clearly defined sense of self, there is clarity and directness about their own priorities as well as openness to the views of others. The result is effective collaboration with the session in establishing appropriate congregational priorities. Perhaps most importantly, pastors who live and work authentically know how to remain true to themselves and to the congregation in the midst of a multitude of conflicting expectations, as they assist others in living as rich, genuine selves. In working with clergy, congregations, and seminarians, I have found systemic approaches to self-understanding and to the practice of ministry tremendously useful for empowering leadership as an authentic self.

 

Demands on Professional Boundaries

At a time when egregious breaches of professional boundaries are regularly in the news, congregants certainly want pastors who maintain appropriate boundaries. These same congregants simultaneously, and perhaps unknowingly, may encourage their pastors to cross appropriate professional boundaries. In relationships within the congregation, pastors must ensure that their own needs are secondary to those of congregants. Even social events with congregants, as enjoyable as these experiences may be, are not downtime for the pastor.  

If the pastor becomes a personal friend or a client of a member of the congregation, complex questions arise about whose interests are primary.  There are many problems with these dual relationships. The pastor’s ability to maintain suitable emotional distance and professional judgment needed for good pastoral care is compromised. Confrontation on the part of the pastor or the congregant may be particularly difficult or simply avoided. Harmful dynamics may be set up within the congregation if the pastor is perceived as having closer or more special relationships with some congregants. Because of these and other potential problems, it is important for pastors to see that their own needs for care, friendship, and professional advice and services are met primarily in relationships outside of the congregation.  

Of course, sometimes appropriate friendships do develop with congregants, and perhaps out of necessity, dual relationships may be established with professionals within the congregation. These situations, however, should be exceptions. Dual relationships with congregants should never be entered into lightly, and boundary issues should always be discussed clearly and directly.

Except for obvious boundary violations, it is impossible to set specific rules for professional boundaries that apply in all circumstances. Therefore, continual questioning and monitoring of professional boundaries is an essential part of a pastor’s ministry. Boundary issues are best worked through in consultation with others with whom the pastor can be genuinely honest about what actually is occurring and how she or he is doing. These relationships of accountability may include supervisors of pastoral work, mentors, counselors, spiritual directors, and peer groups. Sometimes, seeking this type of help is interpreted as a sign of weakness. This is especially unfortunate in light of the fact that research indicates that pastors who are at the greatest risk of boundary violations are those who are isolated and work alone, socialize primarily within the congregation, and do not seek outside relationships to meet their own needs. Encouraging supportive, renewing, and challenging relationships outside of the congregation and respecting the professional distance necessary for effective ministry contribute to the wellbeing of pastors as well as congregations.

 

Pastoral appreciation

When these demands of ministry are considered, what does appreciation of the pastor really mean, and how can appreciation for the pastor be expressed?

By all means, drop your pastor a note, speak an encouraging word, leave a bag of her or his favorite dark chocolate in a fun gift bag on the desk, extend an invitation to a social event (being clear that there is no obligation to attend). These are meaningful expressions of appreciation, and pastors, like everyone else, need to know that they really are appreciated for what they do, and even more, for the persons they are.

However, effective appreciative action goes well beyond words, token gifts, and invitations. Appreciative action that has significant impact involves action that specifically addresses the demands of pastoral ministry. These actions include: ensuring creative space; clarifying and agreeing upon priorities; promoting time for family, rest, play, and friendships outside of the congregation; respecting pastors’ professional and personal boundaries; encouraging supervisory relationships with caring professionals for the purposes of pastoral accountability and for help in reenergizing; and working toward a systems perspective in the congregation. These appreciative actions will enhance the life of clergy, reducing stress and promoting healthier pastors, and thus healthier congregations, in truly enduring ways.

 

Sharon L. Mook is assistant professor of pastoral theology and care at Columbia Theological Seminary in Decatur, Georgia. She has served as associate pastor in a large Presbyterian church and is a pastoral counselor.

 

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