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Holy Week resources and reflections

Friending: Real Relationships in a Virtual World

Friending: Real Relationships in a Virtual World
by Lynne M. Baab
Downers Grove, Ill. InterVarsity Press. 185 pages.
re viewed by MARY HARRIS TODD


“It’s going to damage the way people communicate! It’s going to damage
relationships!” some 20th century experts worried when a new communication
technology became common in private homes.

One adult religious education committee even proposed this question for discussion: “Does it
break up home life and the old practice of visiting friends?” What was the new technology
that raised concerns? The telephone!

A century later with an amazing array of communication technologies at our disposal,
the old concerns are new again. In “Friending: Real Relationships in a Virtual World,”
Presbyterian minister Lynne Baab doesn’t dodge these questions but moves the focus to
deeper questions: What is friendship, and what attitudes and relational skills nurture
good friendships? Citing Scripture and many stories, both personal and gathered from
interviews, Baab guides us to reflect on friendship as a spiritual practice. Depending on
how they are used, electronic forms of communication can help or hinder the spiritual
practice of friendship.

She explores how friendship is rooted in the life of the Trinity and in Jesus’ friendship
with humanity. Good friendships embody the love described in 1 Corinthians 13 and
Colossians 3. Growing in friendship means growing in the qualities of loyalty, affection,
respect, sympathy, empathy and understanding. Baab then discusses particular actions
that put flesh on them:

» Taking initiative in relationships.
» Listening, remembering and praying.
» Asking, giving and thanking.
» Sharing and caring, being together and being apart.
» Pacing and choosing.
» Accepting and forgiving.

Self-examination is critical for the practice of friendship. It includes
examining our use of electronic communication. Are our actions truly
showing love and nurturing friendships, or are they reinforcing individualism,
consumerism or addictive tendencies?

While some believe that deep friendships are declining and that use
of electronic technologies is contributing to the decline, others argue that
online community is “creating a renaissance of friendship in our time.”
Communication technologies do pose a challenge to friendship, but used
wisely and lovingly, they can help sustain relationships.

They have proven to be tools of blessing for Lynne Baab, who now
teaches pastoral theology in New Zealand, many miles and many time
zones away from beloved family and friends. With wisdom, warmth and
practical advice, she guides us toward greater faithfulness as friends,
whatever tools we choose to use.

Mary Harris Todd is pastor of the Morton Presbyterian Church in
Rocky Mount, N.C. Visit with her at The Mustard Seed Journal.

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