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Singing the faith to our children

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“Go in peace, go in love, go with blessings from above. Help a friend, say a prayer for the children everywhere. Amen. Amen. A-a-a-a-a-men.” Have you heard that one? Or maybe: “Raindrops, oceans, lakes and rivers; welcome, child of God. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters; welcome, child of God. When the world feels wide around you, when the dark of night surrounds you, we are here to tend and guide you. Welcome, child of God.” For our two daughters, Hannah and Catherine who are now seven and five, these two songs were as ubiquitous as the books “Goodnight Moon” and “Moo, Baa, La, La, La.” They were both a part of our regular nighttime routine: the first one at dinner, the second just before bedtime. “Welcome, child of God,” sung to the familiar AR HYD Y NOS hymn tune (“All Through the Night”) was introduced to us through a short children’s book given at Catherine’s baptism. It remains one that she pulls off of the bookshelf regularly for us to sing before going to … [Read more...]

Tagged With: family life • music • parenting

Perfect parenting, perfect kids, perfect pastors and perfect churches — it’s easy

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Did you hear the one about the dad (or pastor) who was well rested, settled, knew what he was doing and managed to go one whole day without someone breaking into tears in front of him? Yeah, me neither. Ministry is hard. And so is parenting. The two together feel like you're a parent of a congregation and a child all at the same time.  It's weird to tell someone old enough to be my parent the things I say to my kids on a regular basis. Let's play a game. The following are phrases I've said in the last year. You tell me if it was me to parishioners or to my kids. "You need to actually go talk to the person." "I'm not doing this for you when you can do it yourself." "The cook is not here, we have to do this on our own." "Someone needs to clean this place up." "I'm sorry, but you do need to put actual clothes on." If you guessed that all of these are things that I've said to both my kids and church people, then you win a free night of babysitting by a church … [Read more...]

Tagged With: family life • parenting

My children aren’t part of my résumé

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I received an email after Easter with the subject line “Too cute and a distraction.” The church member was talking about my toddler son (let’s call him Z), who sat with us during two of our Easter services. I grew up in a sanctuary front row (probably a pastor’s kid thing), and so we also let my son sit in the front row. He stays in engaged the music and speaking when he’s close to the action. And he genuinely seemed to enjoy the services. I panicked when I saw the email. Was this going to be the shaming that parents of young kids tell me about? No — the body of the email was a delightful observation of how our son engages in the elements of worship (and therefore was more fun to watch than the action on the chancel). My anxious reaction gave me pause as I thought about what it means to set healthy family boundaries as a pastor. How do I respond to the judgments of church members on my parenting? So far, the judgments have been positive, but hardly deserved.  I get many comments … [Read more...]

Tagged With: family life • parenting

Adopting a child mirrors God’s adoption of us all

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Adoption is the act of taking a child born to another woman and claiming that child as family. It is an act, born out of the complicated and broken nature of our world, that can make God’s love and redemption manifest in lives. Through adoption, brokenness and pain can tell another story. God’s story Adoption is ultimately the story of God’s people. God “adopts” the people of Israel to be God’s people, and covenants to be their God. God becomes a birth parent, relinquishing the divine son to be raised by other parents. Jesus knows what it is to be an adopted child. The triad of adoption is complete in the story of God’s own self and God’s people. An early function of adoption was to secure someone to inherit a family farm, a family name. Abram, before his name change and before his heirs were born, planned for Eliezer of Damascus to be his heir (Genesis 15). Biological children still had priority in inheritance. It was an unequal if still beneficial process. The transactional … [Read more...]

Tagged With: family life • parenting

Embodying parenting and faith

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Before my daughter arrived at toddler-hood, I read a lot about healthy toddler interactions. I read how to talk about sharing. (One key is don’t talk about it. Talk about taking turns instead). I absorbed wisdom on what not to do when one kid takes a toy from another. (Don’t jump in right away. Narrate what’s happening as you try to let the kids work it out on their own.) But until my family interacted with other like-minded families, all this information was just theoretical. To really understand it, my husband and I had to witness our daughter cry because she wanted the coveted ice cream truck toy that her friend was enjoying. Then we urged her to ask for a turn and accept her friend’s answer whether it was “yes” or “no.” I observed carefully when a friend pulled a ball out of her hands. I realized she didn’t get upset about it, and she was able to move on to another toy as long as I stayed calm. I watched as my friends used these strategies with their own children. I learned from … [Read more...]

Tagged With: family life • parenting

Parents: Be not anxious

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Generations disagree about almost everything — from music to hair to food to the ideal places to live. I wonder if any disagreement can match the perplexity, disdain and harsh words erupting over how to parent. Each generation looks at other generations and at their neighbors and marvels at the wrongheaded ways parents raise children. Parents are either too permissive or too controlling, too lax in table manners or too persnickety, too casual about sex or too puritanical, too uninterested in their kids’ school performance or too obsessed with it, too hands-off in religion or too compelling. I remember encountering the phenomenon called “helicopter parenting” where parents are over-involved in their children’s lives — to the point of suing teachers to get better grades for their children and sitting in on college admissions interviews. One high school teacher says the hardest job he faces is dealing with parents. I saw the outcome: entitled children with minimal … [Read more...]

Tagged With: family life • parenting

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