Agnes R. Howard Eerdmans, 216 pages Reviewed by Nicole Childress Ball A few months ago, I was waddling after my toddler in the summer heat, my belly ripe with full-term twin boys. I felt exhausted and excited. I was depleted yet brimming with life (times two). I lived in my body as if nothing was different and yet, top twin kept me breathless while bottom twin kept me close to a bathroom. Before becoming a mother, I had questions about bearing children physically, but also about the implications of childbirth on my significant relationships, work and wider community. I had yet to encounter a frame upon which to hang my questions and ruminations until now. Agnes Howard’s beautifully articulated invitation to honor the act of “radical hospitality” by the expectant woman raises the bar for those of us watching this divine process to observe more than just a blooming belly. She invites us to consider how we all might do better to honor, respect and gather around the expectant … [Read more...]
Life, love, parenting … and social media
I was married for about five days the first time my body gave me an inkling that something might be up with my reproductive system. Four months later, after extensive testing, I listened to my doctor talk to me about my diagnosis. These were the words that stuck with me: “It will be difficult for you to have children.” Five years later, our daughter was born. She was born during the rise of social media. My mom was in town the first time we planned to take our baby to church, and she was horrified that we would expose her to all those people and all those germs. It was important to us to go because of how we see our daughter: as a gift. Not knowing if a baby would ever come changed how we think and pray about parenting. When we first learned I was expecting, we told no one; there was too much risk. My husband I wondered about if this pregnancy made it to birth, how would we parent? Breastfeeding? Day care? Formula? Stay at home? I have said she is a gift from God (I hesitate to … [Read more...]
Singing the faith to our children
“Go in peace, go in love, go with blessings from above. Help a friend, say a prayer for the children everywhere. Amen. Amen. A-a-a-a-a-men.” Have you heard that one? Or maybe: “Raindrops, oceans, lakes and rivers; welcome, child of God. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters; welcome, child of God. When the world feels wide around you, when the dark of night surrounds you, we are here to tend and guide you. Welcome, child of God.” For our two daughters, Hannah and Catherine who are now seven and five, these two songs were as ubiquitous as the books “Goodnight Moon” and “Moo, Baa, La, La, La.” They were both a part of our regular nighttime routine: the first one at dinner, the second just before bedtime. “Welcome, child of God,” sung to the familiar AR HYD Y NOS hymn tune (“All Through the Night”) was introduced to us through a short children’s book given at Catherine’s baptism. It remains one that she pulls off of the bookshelf regularly for us to sing before going to … [Read more...]
Perfect parenting, perfect kids, perfect pastors and perfect churches — it’s easy
Did you hear the one about the dad (or pastor) who was well rested, settled, knew what he was doing and managed to go one whole day without someone breaking into tears in front of him? Yeah, me neither. Ministry is hard. And so is parenting. The two together feel like you're a parent of a congregation and a child all at the same time. It's weird to tell someone old enough to be my parent the things I say to my kids on a regular basis. Let's play a game. The following are phrases I've said in the last year. You tell me if it was me to parishioners or to my kids. "You need to actually go talk to the person." "I'm not doing this for you when you can do it yourself." "The cook is not here, we have to do this on our own." "Someone needs to clean this place up." "I'm sorry, but you do need to put actual clothes on." If you guessed that all of these are things that I've said to both my kids and church people, then you win a free night of babysitting by a church … [Read more...]
My children aren’t part of my résumé
I received an email after Easter with the subject line “Too cute and a distraction.” The church member was talking about my toddler son (let’s call him Z), who sat with us during two of our Easter services. I grew up in a sanctuary front row (probably a pastor’s kid thing), and so we also let my son sit in the front row. He stays in engaged the music and speaking when he’s close to the action. And he genuinely seemed to enjoy the services. I panicked when I saw the email. Was this going to be the shaming that parents of young kids tell me about? No — the body of the email was a delightful observation of how our son engages in the elements of worship (and therefore was more fun to watch than the action on the chancel). My anxious reaction gave me pause as I thought about what it means to set healthy family boundaries as a pastor. How do I respond to the judgments of church members on my parenting? So far, the judgments have been positive, but hardly deserved. I get many comments … [Read more...]
Adopting a child mirrors God’s adoption of us all
Adoption is the act of taking a child born to another woman and claiming that child as family. It is an act, born out of the complicated and broken nature of our world, that can make God’s love and redemption manifest in lives. Through adoption, brokenness and pain can tell another story. God’s story Adoption is ultimately the story of God’s people. God “adopts” the people of Israel to be God’s people, and covenants to be their God. God becomes a birth parent, relinquishing the divine son to be raised by other parents. Jesus knows what it is to be an adopted child. The triad of adoption is complete in the story of God’s own self and God’s people. An early function of adoption was to secure someone to inherit a family farm, a family name. Abram, before his name change and before his heirs were born, planned for Eliezer of Damascus to be his heir (Genesis 15). Biological children still had priority in inheritance. It was an unequal if still beneficial process. The transactional … [Read more...]