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Grief and gratitude

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Guest commentary by Lara Hauser What does grief have to do with stewardship and giving? They seem like pretty disparate subjects, but I find them to be deeply intertwined. In many churches, stewardship season is a time to talk about gratitude and generosity. I may be unique, but I think it is a good time to talk about grief as well, because, as a widow, I think it is always a good time to talk about grief. And I’d like to make a case that grief and gratitude can go hand in hand. Last fall, our church offered a class on the theology of wealth. It was a really good class, taught by a gifted instructor and, like all good teachers, he asked provocative questions that refused to leave me alone. One question in particular really stuck with me: “What does how you live say about your theology?” The question lingered in my mind, insisting on my attention. Another way to phrase that might be: What defines your life? What will people think about or talk about when your name comes … [Read more...]

Tagged With: pastoral perspectives on grief • stewardship

Why should I feel discouraged?

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I’m amazed by the gratitude I receive from families after a funeral. They always seem to be so thankful for the gift of music and singing. A recent week was absolute proof of that for me. In the course of one week, my life as a church musician included three funerals. Although each was very different, the one link was music, specifically the hymn “His Eye Is on the Sparrow.” Families often request the hymn for funerals, which I find odd because of its cheerful refrain: “I sing because I’m happy.” I’ve known these words since childhood. Although that is often true, I think that we more often sing because we are sad. Almost exactly a year ago it was clear that Susan, a parishioner that I loved dearly, had very little time left with us. So, I went to visit and be with her one last time. There were no words in the moment, just hand holding and gratitude for the life she had lived and the support and love she had given to me. Susan had been on the committee that hired me and was many … [Read more...]

Tagged With: music • pastoral perspectives on grief

The privilege of sharing grief

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Guest commentary by Cheyanna Losey In our rural congregation, there are times when death seems to come one right after another.  During these seasons an emptiness is found not only in our pews, but also in my heart.  I know each of these I have loved are now in the presence of our God.  I know they are no longer suffering, and I am grateful for that truth.  I rejoice that they finally see God face-to-face and I long for the day when I will do the same.  Each Sunday I stand in the pulpit, look out into the pews, and I see their empty spaces.  There is a moment each Sunday when I cannot help but acknowledge the bitter sweetness of life as a pastor. As a pastor I get to become a friend, welcomed in the quiet hospital rooms, in the busy emergency rooms, at kitchen tables and even at the funeral home.  I get the privilege of crying tears, holding hands, hearing stories of faith and even hearing those fears difficult to utter aloud to any other person.  This is a call that I often … [Read more...]

Tagged With: pastoral perspectives on grief

Rejoicing in Lament: Wrestling with Incurable Cancer and Life in Christ

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by J. Todd Billings Brazos Press, Grand Rapids, Mich., 224 pages In September 2012, Todd Billings was a 39-year-old husband, father of two small children, and a respected Reformed theologian teaching at Western Theological Seminary in Holland, Michigan, a seminary of the Reformed Church in America, when he received a medical diagnosis of incurable blood cancer. In this book, Todd shares how he wrestled with this diagnosis in light of his Christian faith. It is intensely personal but also filled with important theological reflections drawn from Scripture and the church’s historic confessions. Of particular importance has been the answer to the first question of the Heidelberg Catechism: “Question: What is your only comfort, in life and death? Answer: I am not my own, but belong — body and soul, in life and in death — to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.” Todd illustrates throughout the book how he has integrated this conviction into the realities of his life while wrestling with … [Read more...]

Tagged With: cancer • pastoral perspectives on grief

A Faithful Farewell: Living Your Last Chapter with Love (bookmark)

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  by Marilyn Chandler McEntyre  Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, Mich. 143 pages  As I was pondering the impending death of an elderly woman, her daughter said, “It’s really going to be okay. After all, none of us gets out of this alive.” That was her way of accepting the reality of death. Others say it more succinctly, “We are born to die.” Marilyn McEntyre writes about the experience of dying honestly, eloquently and pastorally. These brief reflections are written in the first person, giving them an unusual clarity. McEntyre chose this method “hoping it will give the pieces an immediacy they not have otherwise, make them more a sharing of a common condition than advice from across the chasm that divides health from illness.” The reflections address nearly every situation facing the dying: from the inevitable changes in the body, to the indignities that go with increased dependence, to the opportunities of love that dying brings, and more. Each essay is layered with wisdom … [Read more...]

Tagged With: pastoral perspectives on grief

Blessed are those who mourn: Sharing comfort in grief

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by Marilyn Washburn How do we care for those who grieve? Specifically, how can and should pastors do that care? Moreover, how do we pastors care for ourselves when we are so frequently mourning the deaths of people we have come to love? In the decades since I was ordained as a chaplain of a hospice associated with a large inner-city hospital, my thoughts about how to care for those who grieve have changed a lot. I suspect that is true for many others who have tested all that we were taught in classrooms or even in CPE. Indeed, my convictions and suggestions will probably come as little surprise to many of my colleagues; the surprise may come in realizing how many of us now share them. Perhaps articulating new insights will trigger conversations, and our changed thoughts may be both claimed and refined. Caring for those who grieve, and for myself, begins with caring for those who are dying. I now think that the best ministry to those who grieve (and the way to experience the … [Read more...]

Tagged With: pastoral perspectives on grief

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