Steinke is widely recognized as an expert in helping church leaders understand the complexities of family systems theory as a way to develop healthier congregations. He has also served as a parish pastor, an educator, and a therapist for clergy. He is the author of the best-selling books How Your Church Family Works and Healthy Congregations. His newest book is Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times: Being Calm and Courageous No Matter What.
Steinke explained that church family systems like “homeostasis,” or keeping things the same way they’ve “always” been. “Emotional systems like coherence, stability and familiarity,” he said.
But things are changing so rapidly, in technology and with the shift in generations that churches are always behind the times.
He pointed to recent surveys indicating that confidence in society’s institutions is plummeting. “Twenty years ago, religious institutions had a 35% confidence rating,” he said. “Now it’s down to just 24%.”
All institutions, not just religious ones, are being affected by massive cultural changes, Steinke said, pointing out that many major organizations in the United States were formed in the same 20 year period — between 1890 and 1910. “Starting in 1975, all of those organizations have declined in membership. Our grandparents were great belongers.”
While many surveys suggest there are as many “believers” today as previously, there are far fewer “belongers.” One cultural trend is that younger adults are not interested in big, hierarchical organizations. Instead, they join smaller, social networking groups., Steinke said.
The logical outcome of all of this change in society means that religious institutions — governing bodies and congregations — need to change as well. But institutions cling to homeostasis. Even our brains work that way, Steinke said, reacting with fear, anger and resistance to change. “We are hard-wired to have negative emotions about what is new, rather than positive feelings,” Steinke asserted.
“Human beings want familiarity even more than happiness. We will always give priority to the past rather than the future, he said. “We prefer the pain of the known present, rather than the pain of the unknown future.”
Since change is so difficult, and since leaders must always help institutions go forward into times of change, leaders will always be the target of anxiety. “Folks, anxiety is going to be dumped on your lap, focused on you,” Steinke predicted. “You will be the target of all the negative feelings.”
“What we know is that anxiety is infectiously contagious,” Steinke said. “We react to it, and lose our focus. When people become anxious, we can always fall into blaming, fault-finding, criticism. The most anxious people want certainty. “
Steinke explained that the more anxious a system gets in the face of change, the more leaders must be a “non-anxious presence.” When leaders are less-anxious — self-differentiated — their calm is also contagious for those who are willing to learn. “Those who are reactive will not be changed, but they don’t have to dictate the tone of the system.”
Steinke suggested one practical thing leaders can do is celebrate what is being accomplished in ministry. Focusing on the positive, rather than anxiety and negativity, helps an institution to be calm enough to find the value in change.
“Leaders need to understand the value of an honest blessing. It is important that we do mirroring with one another, that we recognize each other, that we genuinely respect each other,” he said. “Mirroring is biblical. What we show to others in our face about them tells them who they are. People need to see a healing blessing from us. Our faces need to shine upon them. We are to be purveyors of hope, particularly when times are tough.”
Steinke offered four ways that leaders can help a system move from homeostasis to hope in the face of change.
-In a crisis, leaders are the ones who bring the most calm. “If you are anxious, then your group is leaderless; remain calm and reflective when there’s crisis.”
-Leaders are in a position not only to calm down the anxiety, but to challenge it. We need to get over being afraid of challenging, because we fear people might leave or get too reactive. Organizations get healthier when they take challenges and stretch them into opportunities.
-Lead past false emotional barriers. Most groups have a barrier and don’t see it – they believe that the world ends with the horizon. Leaders help them discover beyond what they can see.
-The reality of faith. “During these hard times, all of us have to set our faces towards Jerusalem. We have to believe that Jesus has gone before us.” The future God is leading us into re-shapes our present, and gives us the calm trust to lead.
Erin S. Cox-Holmes is associate general presbyter for Kiskiminetas Presbytery.
