Tia Levings
St. Martin’s Press, 304 pages
Publishing August 6, 2024
Why are we fascinated by cults? Podcasts and streaming services offer glimpses into fringe movements such as NXIVM or the Duggar family, revealing the stringent codes of conduct believers were expected to follow, and the abuses they experienced at the hands of powerful leaders. I confess to feeling almost guilty recommending A Well-Trained Wife, as it feeds the lurid curiosity that draws many of us to sensationalist cult documentaries. It is, however, Tia Levings’ honest voice that lifts her memoir into an altogether different category.
Levings was raised in a complementarian church with a frightening understanding of God, in which cancer was described as “a consequence of sin in the world” and “headstrong” girls needed to be disciplined to be better Christians. In Sunday School, summer camps and private Christian schools, Levings internalized the rules and struggled with her own feelings of unworthiness. By the time her fiancé revealed his violent nature, she had been groomed to accept and submit; she entered a marriage that was abusive from the start and stuck with it through years of abuse.
In addition to reflecting on her own path, Levings seeks out her childhood friends to understand where their shared fundamentalist upbringing led them — some had completely left the church behind while other women doubled down on their prescribed roles. She briefly extrapolates, providing some understanding of patriarchal Christianity’s appeal, as well as the risks of its growing influence in America.
A Well-Trained Wife shows that Tia Levings is more than her trauma; her story is one of self-actualization as she realizes “Maybe it was up to me to save me.” She is not a victim being interviewed in a documentary, but rather, a survivor who uses her experiences to help us engage with more challenging psychological questions, rather than simply gawk.
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