Although these words are meant to acknowledge what has happened and offer a small measure of sympathy, they often convey awkwardness, embarrassment and a desire to get on with the business at hand. Perhaps in social settings where people do not know each other very well such trivialization of death is to be expected, but in the church it is somewhat uncaring and hardly representative of the love that is to be expected from members of the Body of Christ.
Possibly a quick pass over the final stages of life is to be expected in our current culture. Attitudes toward death and funerals have changed considerably in the past few years. Often memorial services serve more as a social setting than a religious one. Even in churches, funerals have often become a time for bad theology and the jocular calling forth of good memories (graphically displayed on sanctuary screens). “Here is a picture of Uncle John with his drinking buddies.” Now we will hear his favorite song, “My Way,” as performed by Frank Sinatra. “I just know that John is looking down on us now and enjoying the funeral and the reception in his honor.”
Perhaps such a view of funerals is just a little sarcastic, but in his recent book “Accompany Them With Singing: The Christian Funeral” (Westminster John Knox Press, 2009), Thomas G. Long carefully studies the recent trends and has some thought-provoking warnings. His study of death in America, based on interviews with church members and funeral directors, convinces him that Christians need to re-evaluate their concept of death and the way in which funerals are increasingly being conducted. Long charges that many services today have lost dignity, simplicity and majesty and function to cover up the fact that a person really is dead. If we insist that death is natural and that the body is to be disposed of as quickly as possible, we may lose contact with our essential faith as Christians. After all, Paul reminds us that death is not natural at all but is an enemy (1 Corinthians 15:26).
Long examines the theology behind a Christian funeral and the biblical witness to death and resurrection and calls for a reformation of the way we approach our practices. He is concerned that with the increasingly popular practice of cremation, we may be short-changing ourselves in regard to the Christian concepts of the body and life after death and losing our ability to act out our hope for the communion of the saints as we follow loved ones all the way to the grave.
Such analysis reminds us that the church is in danger of losing more than a vital role at the end of life. As many congregations disappear or find their influence reduced, Americans may also decide that baptisms and weddings are increasingly unnecessary, especially if they have to be set in the context of Christian worship. (See the recent study and the Pew Special Report “Who Needs Marriage?” by Belinda Luscombe in the November 28, 2010 issue of Time.
As Presbyterians we do not believe that funerals are civic send-offs, or occasions merely for tributes, reminiscences, jokes or the playing of favorite tunes. Perhaps it is time to return to a study of biblical passages about death, Easter and life after death and consider the reforming of the way we say goodbye to family and friends. Perhaps we can start by giving a lot more to others in grief than a perfunctory “Sorry for your loss.”
