A reader asked for tips on “welcoming newcomers.” Important question, but first we need to edit the question.
I think it’s time we stopped using language like “newcomers.” We need to put aside the paradigm of a long-standing fellowship that now welcomes (allows, embraces) new arrivals. It fits, in some ways, but it also creates an obstacle: the division between new and old, visitor and member, the one who doesn’t yet belong and those who do belong.
That isn’t a division that Jesus used. It’s way too institutional. We should strive for what Jesus did do, namely, create circles of friends and continually reform the circle, or create new circles, so that yesterday’s friends and today’s friends are all on the same level as friends.
Instead of insiders “welcoming” outsiders, all should welcome all. For, in fact, if we are paying attention, we are all being made new by life, by faith, by travail, by God.
Instead of relieved insiders pouncing on newcomers —which is often what happens — friends should greet friends.
You will need to do some teaching, and some old-timers won’t like it, because feeling like an insider is satisfying. But what a great teaching opportunity! God has brought us together today, formed a circle, and sent us out today. And God will do it again on Tuesday, and on Saturday, and next Sunday. There is no Us and Them. In God’s eyes, there is only Us. And our Us is always changing.
Instead of “integrating” or “incorporating” newcomers into a fellowship, God is welcoming us all as friends.
That means that the newest person in the circle is as important as the longest-standing. There is no privilege conferred by longevity, but the privilege of knowing Jesus that is conferred on all.
I don’t know of any other grouping in modern society that works like this, except for 12-step groups like Alcoholics Anonymous. That might be the point: we are different. We aren’t a baptized version of every other thing; we are something unique that God is forming. We have different values, different norms.
Instead of assigning permanent nametags to members and cheap stick-ons to newcomers, ask everyone to slap on a cheap paper nametag.
Instead of asking first-time visitors to stand at announcement time, ask everyone whose life God has touched this week to stand.
Instead of targeting first-time visitors for giving email address and name, all should be giving emails and names on a pew pad.
Instead of asking visitors to sign a guest register, provide creative opportunities for getting email addresses from everyone. Go to a sales convention and see how they do it: business cards in a box for a raffle, a special place to deposit a used nametag on departure, a mail-in survey.
Your job, then, is to identify which folks were new and to follow up with a personal word of greeting. Not reinforcing the message of new vs. old — you’re new and everyone else isn’t new — but your delight at making a friend.
Be aware of visitor psychology. They know they are new. They want to see who you are and how you treat each other, not how you treat them. It’s a subtle distinction. But if they see members ignoring each other while pouncing on them, the message received is: these people don’t like each other. And they are desperate for new members.
Instead of offering new-member classes, offer a lineup of discipleship and faith-formation classes that treat everyone as new in God’s eyes.
TOM EHRICH is a writer, church consultant and Episcopal priest based in New York. He is a founder of the Church Wellness Project churchwellness.com. His Web site is morningwalkmedia.com
