The decision to move into a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) can be a challenging one. It often elicits quite a bit of emotion — including fear, sadness and even depression — especially if the individual doesn’t feel ready to make the move. Yes, we who work in such places see them as vibrant and warm, loving and attentive. But for those individuals considering this new life for themselves, it may appear to be a very dark time.
The truth is, if you are an older adult facing such a move, you may be in mourning — from losing a spouse, from not being able to maintain your life anymore, from no longer being as healthy as you’d like. You may feel that you’re giving up the life that you know and love, one where you raised your children, built a career and felt comfortable.
You may have had a large home and property and were surrounded by familiar people and places. Now, you may be plagued by doubt, unsure if this choice is the right choice and wondering what your remaining years will look like. Are you feeling afraid of the stereotypes of “nursing homes” of the past? Of course you don’t want to give up their freedom and autonomy. It’s likely that you “don’t want to be around a bunch of old people.”
This situation is a challenge for anyone. But the important thing for you to know is that you’re not in this alone. When a person moves into a CCRC, the vast majority of folks there felt much the same way you do when they first moved in. These residents can completely identify with the fear and sadness. Yet, they know better than anyone else that it gets better … MUCH better. They know that with a little encouragement you will be checking out the entertainment supplied at the CCRC. You’ll investigate dining and some clubs. Maybe you’ll just sit somewhere and another resident will stop by, say hello, and a new friendship will be born.
There are many ways to work on these issues. Here are some suggestions to help make things a bit easier.
» Give yourself some time to adjust: Change like this isn’t always easy to absorb. It may take a little while before this new life fits like a glove.
» Try to positively set the stage: Think of the move as “embracing life’s next chapter” or “a brave new adventure.”
» Be proactive: Ask all the questions you have and make sure you understand (and are comfortable with) the answers. If you aren’t, keep asking.
» Make the decision to move intentionally: No eenie-meenie-miney-moe on this one; you should make the choice that gives you most of what you want.
» Maintain control of what matters: You still play the major role in your life. You just need to decide what is important for you to continue to be in charge of and what you are willing to give to another to manage.
» Age your way: There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to get older. Do you want to keep painting, read great works of literature, takes classes? You can. Do you want to sit quietly outside or take long walks? It all depends upon what your body will let you do and how your will guides you.
This new life is a big change and, as a new resident, it requires you to think and frame your daily experiences differently. The reasons you choose to move may be to accommodate emerging physical or mental limitations or reduce the burden of maintaining your home. Hopefully, you will discover that a CCRC offers friendship, security, assistance and a reduced amount of responsibility. It allows you to enjoy freedom while you add to your safety. Those initial fears aside, the day will come when this life is your new normal, and you may be helping the next new resident realize that there was never truly anything to fear.
DANIEL SEAN KAYE is the director of life enrichment for Rydal Park Continuing Care Retirement Community / Presby’s Inspired Life in Pennsylvania.
