I recently began meeting with a new spiritual director. At the beginning of our session, she asked if I would like to begin together in silence, by praying or having her pray for me. After an entire day of Bible study, meetings and phone calls, I chose silence. When we closed, I asked if she would close us in prayer. During the meeting, she asked why I was seeking spiritual direction. I did not fully articulate this during our meeting, but as she closed by praying for me, I realized that spiritual direction is a unique opportunity for a pastor to have someone pray for us. As she closed by praying for me, I felt myself physically relaxing and the Holy Spirit offering me much needed peace.
When you are a pastor, who prays for you?
In the PC(USA) the person most often named as “pastor to the pastors” is the executive presbyter of a presbytery. I am blessed to have an executive presbyter who takes this part of the job description quite seriously, but I know this is not always often the case. Even so, executive presbyters have lots of other job responsibilities as well. So, as helpful as it is to have an executive presbyter who does pray for us pastors, this does not always happen often or in our presence.
I am blessed to be part of several informal groups of female pastors — and I know we pray for one another, but often we are so exhausted when we gather virtually that we don’t lift up one another in prayer audibly. And the same could be said for my family and friends. I know they pray for me, and we certainly pray when we are gathered together in person, but it happens less often in a virtual space. Similarly, I know many of my congregants pray for me, but I also know that many of them are nervous to pray out loud in front of a group, let alone the pastor. (But let it be known that there is no wrong way to pray when we approach God sincerely and humbly.)
I’m a very private person, and I struggled in CPE (clinical pastoral education) as a student chaplain, but I look back on that time with gratitude for the discovery that pastors should offer to pray for others as much as possible. I have very rarely had someone decline a prayer. In fact, I think people expect that a pastor will at least try to get a prayer in.
During this pandemic, I have discovered how much (even as a self-declared non-hugger) I miss physical touch, but I also miss praying along with someone else — and even more, someone praying for me. I’m grateful for the opportunity to pursue a relationship with a spiritual director who commits to praying for me. But perhaps it needs to be said that pastors crave prayer too. And we don’t just crave someone telling us they are praying for us, but we crave them actually doing it! At least, I know I do. I consider it a privilege and a blessing to pray for my congregation, my friends and even strangers. But I also equally consider it a privilege and a blessing to have another person pray for me. There may be no deeper connection than two or more gathered in Christ’s name calling upon Jesus on behalf of another. And there is no title or experience that seems to change that.
JULIE RAFFETY serves as the pastor at First Presbyterian Church in Franklin, New Jersey. Julie is a violinist, aspiring writer, snowboarder, runner, identical twin and crazy about popcorn.
