The church likes to talk about how it is a place of hospitality and welcome. We like to use the phrase “radical hospitality.” And while there is goodness rooted in that, to me, it falls short. What do we do when people join us and feel welcomed, but don’t feel like they really belong?
A sense of welcome is a great place for churches to start. Welcome invites folks who enter spaces of worship to participate in the life and work of the community. But a sense of belonging moves past hospitality. When you belong to a community, it is a space where you flourish. Belonging means the community expresses vulnerability and people are encouraged to be their authentic self, even if that authentic self is different.
A Southern way to describe the difference between welcome and belonging would be a community meal. Welcome says that you have a place at the table, pull up that chair and join us. Belonging means that we serve the dishes and food that bring you comfort and joy. Even if they aren’t our favorite, we do it because we know that they are yours.
If the church is in the welcome business, how then do we move past the hospitality of welcome and into a place that allows for vulnerability and openness? How can we move past invitations and niceties into deep relationships with one another, where everyone is accepted as their authentic self?
This is the question I wrestle with almost daily in my ministry with college students. Our community is made richer when we can be our true selves with one another. So part of my job requires I figure out how to move a community past welcome into a genuine relationship.
I once told my students that I wanted to rethink the term radical hospitality because it didn’t really make sense in today’s world. When there is so much division and strife in our day-to-day, we need something more than radical hospitality to bind us. We need what I call belligerent hospitality — the kind of welcome that is unapologetically loud.
When there is so much division and strife in our day-to-day, we need something more than radical hospitality to bind us. We need what I call belligerent hospitality — the kind of welcome that is unapologetically loud.
Belligerent hospitality marks a space where folks know that all kinds of people are welcome and loved and belong in the community. When the world tells someone they are not welcome or worthy, they know they fit in this community. When the larger church says someone is welcome only if they read and agree to the fine print of the church’s beliefs, the belligerently hospitable community seeks to learn about the person and care for their whole being.
There are many examples of how belligerent hospitality has shaped our community. One of the more recent events in our history occurred about a year ago when we were deep into the spring semester and all the events that happened during the race to commencement.
One of these events was a drag show planned by our student life team for the campus. It was to be a night of fun, education and fundraising. Students were thrilled when the news was shared that we were having this event and began planning their routines and song selections. It was joyous to walk alongside the students in their excitement and planning. However, there was pushback from people outside our community.
There was enough pushback that we began to have safety concerns for the students involved. As a result, we had to change how the event was run, switching from a public to a closed event. But we still made space. We still hosted the event and fundraiser, and it was a fabulous night full of love, dancing, singing and so much glitter. As I looked around the room that night, I saw faculty and staff beaming with joy and love as they watched our students be their true selves.
Our community knew the importance of creating space and welcoming queer students and allies. We stuck to our values when the outside world tried their best to shut us down. It was worth the risk and the pushback to create that space that allowed students to be their whole selves.
When we live into belligerent hospitality, our community is strong. When we are unapologetically loud in our welcome, students are able to be their full selves. And we celebrate all we each can offer our community — through songs, dance routines, and, yes, even glitter.
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