Suicide. It is one of the biggest fears we carry for our children. We often imagine it as the thing that happens to other people, in other families, schools, churches and towns. It is the conversation we want to avoid and the topic we do not understand.
So why would anyone want to read an article about suicide, much less spend a career working in suicide prevention?
Well, let me tell you.
Suicide is not a distant issue. For youth ages 10–14 and 15–24, suicide is now the second leading cause of death. One in five high school students reported seriously considering suicide in the past year. The risk is not shared equally. Black youth, Indigenous youth, LGBTQIA+ youth, youth living with trauma, youth who are bullied, youth who feel disconnected, and youth who carry shame or fear in silence can face even greater risk.
The Centers for Disease Control reports that suicide was the 11th leading cause of death overall in 2023 and the 2nd leading cause for ages 10–14 and 15–24.
The CDC’s 2023 youth data reports that 20% of U.S. high school students seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year.
The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory says there is not enough evidence to conclude social media is sufficiently safe for children and adolescents, while also naming both benefits and risks. The 988 Lifeline says people can contact 988 for themselves or when worried about someone else.
Dr. David Brent, a psychiatrist and suicidologist who specializes in child and adolescent psychiatry, once told me that suicide happens when distress overpowers resilience. Young people are trying to figure out who they are, where they belong, who they can trust, and whether the pain they feel right now will ever change. Sometimes they have the resilience they need. Sometimes they do not. Sometimes the distress gets too loud. That is why we need to write about it, think about it and talk about it.
1. First things first: safety
When we enter conversations with someone who may be at risk, and we feel like we are in over our heads, there is help. In the United States, 988 is the crisis line for suicide risk, mental health crisis, and emotional distress. You can call while you are with the person at risk, or you can call as the helper and say, “I am worried about someone. Can you help me think through what to do next?”
Adults often freeze. We wonder, “Am I overreacting?” “What if I make it worse?” “What if I say the wrong thing?” The truth is, silence is usually more dangerous than an imperfect conversation. You do not have to be perfect to be helpful. You do need to be present, honest, and willing to bring in support.
If a young person says, “I want to die,” “Everyone would be better off without me,” “I cannot do this anymore,” or “I have a plan,” do not dismiss it as drama or teenage moodiness. Ask directly. Stay with them. Get another safe adult involved. Do not promise secrecy when safety is at stake. A good sentence sounds like this: “I care about you too much to keep this secret. I am going to stay with you, and we are going to get help together.”
2. Suicide is not only about depression
I value treatment. Good therapy, medical care, and medication management save lives. But suicidality is not only about a clinical diagnosis.
In Soul Shop, we talk about the complex relationship between mental health, physical health, shame, stress, trauma, family conflict, religious wounds, bullying, oppression, discrimination, shunning, isolation, and despair. Suicidality can signal that life is no longer working, or that a young person no longer believes it can.
Young people are trying to figure out who they are, where they belong, who they can trust, and whether the pain they feel right now will ever change.
Experts matter, but they are not the only people who matter. You may not be able to diagnose depression. But you can notice isolation. You may not be able to prescribe medication. But you can ask, “Are you thinking about suicide?” You may not know how to fix their whole life. But you can sit with them long enough for the next breath, the next hour, and the next safe step. Connection saves lives.
3. Suicidality is a number on a pain scale
When you go to the emergency department, one of the first questions they ask is, “How bad does it hurt?” They may show you a pain scale from zero to 10. I think we need a similar way of thinking about suicidal desperation.
Suicidality is often a person saying, as Job did in the Bible, “Death feels better than the pain I am in.” That does not always mean the person wants life to end as much as they want the pain to stop. A young person may only know they are tired, overwhelmed, ashamed, scared, and cannot imagine feeling this way forever.
So we can ask: “On a scale from zero to ten, how bad is the emotional pain today?” A two or three might mean, “I am having a hard day, but I can still manage.” A five might mean, “I am overwhelmed and need help.” A seven might mean, “I am not okay, and I am starting to scare myself.” An eight, nine, or ten might mean, “I need someone to stay with me and help me get immediate support.” This scale gives young people a language beyond “fine.”
4. Social media is not always their friend
I am not a curmudgeon or a Luddite. Social media is not all bad. For some young people, especially those who feel isolated, it can offer connection, humor, creativity, and support. But social media is not always their friend.
The danger is not just “screen time.” The danger is what happens when a young person’s developing brain is constantly exposed to comparison, bullying, body image pressure, racism, homophobia, transphobia, violence, self-harm content, humiliation, and everyone else’s supposedly perfect life. Algorithms are built to hold attention, and distress holds attention. A young person may open an app to relax and end up in a stream of content that confirms every painful thing they already fear about themselves: “I am ugly.” “I am alone.” “I am not enough.” “Nothing will get better.”
Social media can also disrupt sleep, replace movement and expose young people to conflict when their brains need quiet. So we should not simply shame young people for being online. Instead, we get curious. “What does this app do to your mood?” “Do you feel better or worse after you scroll?” “Are you seeing things that scare you or make you want to hurt yourself?” Sometimes, suicide prevention looks like taking the phone, not as punishment, but as protection.
5. A snack and a nap
This may sound too simple, but sometimes the most faithful thing we can offer a young person is a snack and a nap.
When desperation overpowers resilience, the brain is often not working from its calmest, wisest place. Hunger, exhaustion, dehydration, overstimulation, conflict and stress all lower a young person’s ability to cope. A tired brain is more likely to catastrophize. A hungry body is more likely to feel anxious. A sleep-deprived teenager is more likely to believe that today’s pain is permanent.
This does not mean a sandwich cures suicidality. It does not mean a nap replaces therapy, medication, safety planning or crisis support. But it does mean bodies matter.
Before we try to solve everything, we may need to help a young person reset. Eat something with protein. Drink water. Take a shower. Step outside. Breathe slowly. Take a walk. Turn off the phone. Pet the dog. Listen to calming music. Draw. Stretch. Lie down under a blanket. Sleep.
These are not childish distractions. These are ways to help the nervous system come down from an alarm state.
6. A trusted adult
Every young person needs at least one trusted adult.
Not just an adult they know. Not just an adult who is in charge. A trusted adult.
A trusted adult is someone a young person can tell the truth to without being immediately shamed, preached at, dismissed, punished or turned into a problem to manage.
A trusted adult does not have to be perfect. They do need to be steady.
Sometimes young people do not tell their parents the hardest things because they do not love their parents. They avoid telling them because they love them very much. They do not want to disappoint them. They do not want to scare them. They do not want to see the look on their face. So they carry it alone.
This is where a trusted adult can become a bridge. That person might be a youth leader, teacher, coach, pastor, aunt, uncle, grandparent, neighbor, school counselor, or family friend. Their role is not to replace parents. Their role is to help a young person get to safety, honesty, and support. A trusted adult might say, “Thank you for telling me.” “I am not disappointed in you.” “You are not in trouble for being honest.” “I care about you too much to let you carry this alone.” The goal is not control. The goal is safety.
7. One or two friends who can handle hard conversations
Young people also need one or two friends who can have hard conversations. Not every friend can carry that role, and that is okay. Some friends are fun friends. Some friends are activity friends. But every young person needs at least one or two friends who can say, “Are you okay?” and mean it.
A safe friend is not the person who promises to keep every secret, no matter what. A safe friend is someone who cares enough to get help. A safe friend does not turn pain into gossip. A safe friend does not mock, minimize, or post about it. A safe friend says, “I am glad you told me. I am staying with you. We need to tell an adult.”
Youth need permission to break secrecy when a life is at risk. Friendship often feels like loyalty, and loyalty can sound like, “I won’t tell anyone.”
But in suicide prevention, loyalty says, “I love you too much to keep this secret if keeping it secret could get you killed.”
Final thought
Suicide prevention is not only a clinical task. It is a human task. It is a family task. It is a church task. It is a community task. We do not prevent suicide by pretending young people are fine. We prevent suicide by paying attention. We ask direct questions. We create trusted relationships before the crisis. We help young people name their pain. We help them build rhythms that protect their brains and bodies. We offer snacks and naps and walks and prayer and therapy and crisis lines and steady adults and brave friends.
Most of all, we help young people know this: your pain can be spoken. Your life is worth protecting. You are not a disappointment. You are not alone. There is help for this moment, and there is hope beyond what you can see right now. You are loved.
