Then, take an honest, hard look at how those stereotypes hold us back from becoming our must authentic selves, and promise to support your friend/mother/sister as she learns to appreciate and share the beauty that God put within her, rather than continually trying to be someone she is not. Clink teacups with your homegirl, tell her something good about herself, and pledge to help each other in this ongoing struggle. That is what the experience of reading Unsqueezed is like. You will feel like you are part of a sisterhood. It’s not that this book could not benefit men, for it certainly could. However, no matter how much progress we have made, society still has higher expectations of women’s looks and is harder on us than it is on men.
Ms. Starbuck is frank about the ridiculousness of women spending inordinate amounts of time and money trying to fit into the slots that society deems “attractive” or at least “normal,” but she doesn’t speak these truths in such a way that the reader feels worse about herself (or in rare cases “himself”) for caring about how we look. She acknowledges the human longing for acceptance and affirmation. In fact, she is honest about her own participation in the culture of beauty, and the ways that the expectations of the culture creep into our choices, even when we believe we are being intentional about looking “funky” or “different.” She also has a pastoral touch when she addresses how hurtful it is to women (especially those of us who have vocations where we appear a lot in public and people seem to feel they have some kind of ownership of us) when people feel free to make ugly remarks about how we look. I was reminded of the time I ran into an elderly member of a church I had once served who said I was “not as fat as she had heard.” OUCH! Tell that to anyone who does not think a book like Unsqueezed has a key place in ministry to women.
One of the best features of Unsqueezed is its humor. Starbuck is not wounding or mean-spirited — she just has a real eye for the absurd that lurks all around is, and her own life is her greatest source for anecdotes that lead the reader to say “OH! I do that same thing!” The book goes beyond funny stories, though, and it is more than a harangue about how we should just be happy with ourselves the way God made us. Starbuck has done careful analysis of the beauty industry — she has hard facts and statistics about the amount of time, money and spiritual energy women spend in our efforts to look “right.” She makes a compelling case for those resources going toward building relationships, engaging in justice and peace work and developing our own spiritual lives.
Starbuck reminds the reader that if we direct the lion’s share of our energy to these things, rather than plastic surgery, highlights and dieting, we will in time develop the spiritual tools to see ourselves with the unconditional love and acceptance that God has for each of us.
LESLIE KLINGENSMITH is the pastor of Saint Matthew Church in Silver Spring, Md.
