by Ed Zinkiewicz
I was ready to retire. I didn’t want to do the work any longer.
Don’t get me wrong. I loved my work and was good at it. But, programming computers was just not as interesting to me after 40 years as it was in the beginning. Other things had more appeal. Besides, the work had become drudgery. In particular, I was not going to miss the “day after day” part at all.
As I approached a retirement decision, the odor of a series of less-than-pleasant work memories bolstered my determination to get to a sweeter-smelling place. Work stunk. Retirement offered freshness. I was not going to miss work.
Imagine my surprise when I started hearing reports from friends who actually did miss work – my wife, for instance. I might have ignored other reports, but her experience got my attention.
My wife Crys retired before me. She was the experienced one. All I had were aspirations – and here she was blowing my dreams out the window. It got my attention. I was basing my retirement on her model and the image she had projected was getting distorted. What do you mean you miss work? That is not something that is supposed to happen.
In two years of retirement, Crys had done exceptional work on a contract basis on a huge project for her last employer, but found herself skirting depression when that project was over and there were no others in sight. Turns out, her retirement plan had included continuing to work! Who knew?
She developed a great arrangement that she called “balance.” She picked up our grandson after school, worked a little on the garden, painted the house for a time each day and worked some on her project. (And she still had time to cook a wonderful meal for her loving husband when he got home from work.) Crys had a rhythm going – a little of this, a little of that and not too much of any one thing.
When her contract project finished, the rhythm became discordant. She could not maintain the balance. She had to come to terms with this new reality.
Crys was not the only one. I talked to Marcia who worried that not having to get up and go to work would mean she’d end up a coach potato lounging in her jammies all day.
Terry finally figured out that he missed “steering the boat” after he left work. He liked helping to make decisions that set the direction for a whole company. Gail sat weeping in her beautiful and immaculate living room when she reached the end of the home projects she had so looked forward to in her retirement.
Who has not heard a retiree say, “I don’t miss the work, but I do miss the people”? That phrase reminds me that friendships can also take a hit with retirement. Many of us have built-in friends who stay behind when we walk away into retirement.
All of these people, including my wife, miss work. Some may not miss the actual work as she does, but they do miss the other things that go along with it: friendship, authority, structure, purpose.
We hear a lot these days about people deciding to just continue working instead of retiring. Between dips in the economy and the state of personal retirement funds, many of retirement age are forced to work longer. But many continue working even if the financial planning and preparation has been done. For these people as they think about retirement, I wonder how many recognize that leaving work can have hidden costs.
Many kinds of activity or inactivity emerge with a retiree who has not gotten over the business called work: aimless diversions, isolation days overfilled with busy-ness. Here are a few places to start to fill the void that leaving work can entail:
Fill the hole where work used to be. Successful retirement is measured by who you are, not what you do. In early retirement, try to create an environment that helps you find a new reality and fill what might otherwise become a void.
Define your day. This advice may sound crazy, but… get up every morning. Many of us have never ordered our own lives because family, school or work provided the framework. In retirement, structure to your day has to be set anew. By you. In addition to getting up, go to bed at a regular time. Keep to a schedule that includes regular meals. Creating your new structure also means you probably want to set some limits on yourself. When you worked, you had only a few hours you could spend watching TV, for example. So, in retirement, stick to that limit. That means that you can watch that morning show if you want, but if you do, you may need to limit TV viewing at other times. The goal here is to become a person who can direct your own life.
Schedule events that care for you. One of life’s little surprises as you age is that you will need more and more time to care for yourself. New aches and pains arise. More doctor visits fill your calendar. Exercise regularly. Exercise often. The more you do, the better you will feel and the more you will be able to do. You don’t want to become a burden on your loved ones or your bank account. Exercise will help with that. Start with a level your doctor approves and work up from there. You want to be the person who cares enough about others so that they might not have to care for you — literally.
Make a difference where you can. I know a lady in a nursing home. When I met her, she was 85. At that time she had difficulty walking far so she used a wheelchair to get from place to place and once at her destination, she walked with her cane. Where was she going? To visit fellow residents. She delivered a kind word here, a listening ear there and a prayer for whoever needed it. Caring is not limited by age or infirmity, though how you deliver it may be. Reach out as you can (whether you are retired or not).
These are important messages for those who miss work. The advice is also important for those who do not miss work. If you can care for yourself and others regularly, your retirement will be measured as a success. Of course, this list is more like a starter-kit. Be creative and you’ll find a host of meaningful activities that enrich your days.
So, did I miss work?
No, I did not. But not because I was running from something. My wife taught me that to succeed in retirement you need to retire to something. I’ve chosen to deliver my caring to the many folks who’ve not yet learned that valuable lesson. What about you? Who will you become?
ED ZINKIEWICZ left a successful 40-year career as a software engineer to become an author, speaker, workshop facilitator, interviewer, blogger, and coach — popularly known as “the retired guy.” He facilitates AARP Life Reimagined Checkups. Ed will host an on-demand Outlook webinar on retirement that will be available on January 19. Visit bit.ly/retirementwebinar to learn more and register.
