I am bivocational, so 30 hours a week I teach math to high-schoolers. Whenever they make a silly math error – the kind that they totally should know the answer to – I will jokingly say to them, “You’re hurting me,” and clutch my chest. They inevitably laugh and try to correct their mistake. Similarly, whenever I hear church people say things like, “I hate millennials” or “I can’t stand millennials” or “Millennials are ruining the country,” I can’t help but think, “You’re hurting me.” Because, as a pastor, it is my job to help people follow and love like Jesus. And since when did it become okay to harbor hurt in our hearts for an entire people group? Since when did it become okay to discriminate against an entire people group because they are young (insert token 1 Timothy 4:12 citation here)? Since when did it become okay to label people for the purpose of judging them?
Millennials are criticized weekly, if not daily, in the news. Millennials (depending on your source) are those born during the 1980s and 1990s (also known as Generation Y). Their negative characteristics include craving attention, being prone to job hopping and having a sense of entitlement, according to one source. Like almost every generation that has generated a contemporary moniker, they have been called lazy and narcissistic. Millennials have also been referred to as “trophy kids” (see Ron Alsop’s book for more on that) for being rewarded for minimal accomplishments. They have been criticized for being less civically and politically engaged and less concerned about helping the wider community — as compared to Gen X (1962 – 1981) and Baby Boomers (1946 to 1961).
When it comes to faith, millennials are less likely to belong to a worshipping community than previous generations. They have spurred the religious term of “nones” for checking the “none” box on surveys requesting their religious affiliation. While there is much speculation as to why millennials are leaving (or have left, or perhaps have never been part of a church community), let me suggest simply that millennials are not present in the church because they know they are not really welcome. While hanging a rainbow welcome sign outside one’s church is a first step to extending a welcome to the LGBTQ community, it falls flat if participants walk through the door and find the opposite reception. Similarly, many inside the church are downright angry at millennials for their lack of church attendance, and research would suggest that millennials are quite perceptive of this. They can sniff out a community that only really wants to boost numbers or giving. The church cannot simultaneously judge millennials and expect them to want to encounter God in the same environment. Even more problematic, how can the church point others (millennials or any generation) toward a loving God while they actively hate an upcoming generation?
I’m on the cusp of the Gen X and the millennial generation (I was born in 1981), and even I am guilty of preferring to align myself with Gen X. Why would I choose to be labeled a millennial when there is so much less artillery fire on the Gen X front? Despite disparaging comments by Christians and contemporary media alike, millennials do have positive traits: better work/life balance (than previous generations), confidence, ambition and achievement-motivated. They are also team players, valuing the input and affirmation of others. Most stereotypically, they are tech-savvy. Socially, they are open-minded, supporting equal rights and minorities. Other positive adjectives are flexible and self-expressive.
As Christians, however, we are not called to judge one another, but to love one another. And it is difficult to truly love someone when you don’t know them and are not curious to get to know them. There are many books being written about how the church can reach out to millennials, but the first step must be to set aside prejudices and judgment and cultivate cross-generational relationships.
A 4-year-old approached me a couple days ago. I was in quite a hurry, but as 4-year-olds sometimes do, she just started talking to me as if we knew each other. “Let me show you this,” she said as she opened a little secret compartment of a toy to reveal some shiny pink goo. “What is it?” I asked. “Gloss,” she said proudly. “I wasn’t expecting that. Does that one open too?” I asked, pointing at her other toy. She shook her head. Figuring that was the end of our short interchange, I opened my mouth to say goodbye and started to walk away when she took some interest in me.
“Where are you going?” she asked me. “I’m running back to my office to get some stuff, nothing nearly as exciting as what you have though.” She smiled. “Will you be back?” “In just a minute,” I assured her.
When I returned, we chatted a little bit longer, and she said, “Have a good day,” as I left her. Now, as far as I know, demographers haven’t even labeled 4-year-olds yet (Gen Z is mid 1990s-mid 2000s), but she took an interest in me and I took an interest in her. And we had a very sweet conversation where she shared something in her life, and I shared something in mine. We connected – and sure, you can argue that it is easier to connect with a child than a young adult or late-20s adult – but I believe the premise remains the same. We don’t have to understand every detail of the generations behind and ahead of us, but we should pursue loving relationships with God’s people. And, the church is God’s people; it carries the gospel message throughout generations by sharing with the next. The church has a responsibility not to take sides unless it is siding with the love of Christ. I would love to see the church make it a mission of love to take back the generational label of millennial and associate this people group with all of their divine qualities. Millennial is not, and should not be, a dirty word.
JULIE RAFFETY serves as the pastor at First Presbyterian Church in Franklin, New Jersey. Julie is a violinist, aspiring writer, snowboarder, runner, identical twin and crazy about popcorn.
