Guest commentary by Sarah Iliff McGill
Talking to children about current events like the attack on the Capitol is not going to look exactly the same in every house, but here are a few tips.
Talk calmly
After the breaching of the Capital had calmed down, we turned on the news for a little bit and let my son (age 6) watch the news, explaining to him in a calm voice what happened. I invited my daughter (age 4) to sit with us, but she did not want to, so I did not force her to join.
Name feelings
We try to talk about how things make us feel. I name an emotion, such as, “I feel scared.” I highly recommend the “A Little SPOT of Emotions Box Set” by Diane Alber. It has given both of my children clear language to try to understand their feelings. Speak to them about how they are safe to share their emotions and that you are with them. Being aware of your own emotions and how you are displaying that to your child is helpful.
Child-led discussion
See how curious they are. You can lead this with wondering questions like, “I wonder what you are thinking about this …” “I wonder what you would like to know more about …” My son asked some questions. I answered as best I could and would sometimes say, “I do not know.” In our talk, we spoke about people making mistakes and how the “bad guys” are making mistakes and that bad doesn’t have to be all of who they are because Jesus helps us say that we’re sorry. My son asked, “How do they think they are doing the right thing!?” This complicated question led us to ask, “How do we know if something is good?” We look to God and to the Bible. We thought about Micah 6:8 – “To love kindness, do justice and walk humbly with your God”– which has led to some discussion on justice. The curiosity between my children was vastly varied. The older child was much more interested. I did not force the conversation to be any longer than he seemed eager to talk about.
Respond
Look for the helpers. Mr. Rogers quote is said a lot because of how helpful it is: “When you see scary things in the news, look for the helpers. There are always helpers.” On YouTube you can find videos of Mr. Rogers responding to 9/11 to watch with your children. In my house, while we watched the news, we pointed out the police officers trying to protect everyone.
Pray. Prayer is our first response to the broken world. In my house we say a short prayer and then blow out a candle. For example: “Dear God, help our country. Help us to find justice and peace and to follow you.” Sometimes each child wants to blow the candle out, so we relight it and do it again. (Remember to tie long hair back!)
Learn. Keep yourself informed on what is happening, and touch base with your kids. Don’t make it overwhelming. Keep your normal routines.
Learning for kids varies greatly with age. In my house, we go back to the basics. What is the Capitol? Where is Washington, D.C.? My son was worried it was close to us, so I made sure he noticed on the map how far away this was happening. (If you do live close, make sure you can help your kids feel safe.) What is justice? Though not about the event at the Capitol, this video on justice was helpful.
Act. Talk to the kids about how they may be helpers too. As children look at the news and find the helpers, and then think about how to be a “helper.” As a family, look for ways for your children to make the world better. We are going to write thank-you cards for Christmas gifts and we are going to pick an animal to sponsor from Heifer International. (They also have lots of kid friendly things to use like coloring pages!). Help your kids feel like they are not helpless and can respond.
Remember to give yourself grace. God loves you. God loves your children. If you only have energy in the moment for an extra-long hug — do that.
Sarah Iliff McGill is a PC(USA) pastor and full-time mom. She lives in Rochester, Illinois.
Read Sarah Iliff McGill’s humorous account of writing this piece.
