As I prepared to write this article, I was trying to find my work journal from 2019. When I transitioned into full-time entrepreneurship, I started keeping a journal. I would intentionally write down my weekly, monthly and yearly goals. It would start with one word for the year. One year my word was “intentional.” Every new contact I made and each new client that year served a purpose. My “intentional” year was my best year as an entrepreneur. I grew the business by 150%. By the end of the year, however, I was exhausted. I may have worked 354 days that year. Surprisingly, that was just 2019. On December 10, 2019, I wrote: “In 2020 I need to spend more time building relationships and connecting with people. I miss sharing life experiences.”
I made the decision that in 2020, I would work four days a week. I would have dinner with my kids at least three nights a week, and the work/life balance I longed for would be restored. In January 2020, my goal was falling into place. I booked lunch dates with ministry colleagues every Friday of the month. I even started attending a Parent Café at my daughter’s school. Clients were still being served, I did not miss any opportunities and, in fact, my business grew. A lunch meet-and-greet resulted in a contract to facilitate a women’s retreat. In February, I traveled for work, co-led a workshop at the Association of Presbyterian Church Educators (APCE) national event, filled in as pulpit supply and booked two more retreats.
And then March came.
Life as a gig worker changed drastically. With the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, all of my live events were canceled. I saw 60% of my income evaporate. All of my travel plans were canceled. Some clients were able to keep me on; others had to let me go. If I am being honest, I sulked for days. I certainly did not prepare for this. The irony of preparing for 2020 to be more relational only to have it become more isolated simply did not make sense to me at the time. I spent at least six weeks asking, “Why, God?” I questioned every decision I’d made in the last five years.
One day, a friend asked me to “coach her through” a professional issue. Forty-five minutes later, I found myself excited about possibilities. I hadn’t marketed my coaching services outside of the presbytery. But, I started thinking that there are surely many faith leaders like my friend stuck in the conundrum of where to go next during the unknowns of the pandemic.
I came out my fog of confusion and spent three days revising my website, and then started offering group and individual coaching sessions. I am always in awe of how I can see God clearly when I am operating in my gifts. Coaching and equipping leaders to use their gifts in these new and creative ways has restored my own faith and purpose in so many ways.
And then, on May 26, 2020, the world watched in horror what many of us as Black people live with daily. Will our fathers, brothers, uncles, sons, cousins and husbands make it home alive? George Floyd did not. Many of us who are called to bear witness and share the good news were tired. How long, Lord? That question was asked over and over and over on calls after the death of Floyd and the protests that followed. I found myself in a juxtaposition of dealing with the reoccurring trauma of another Black man being murdered and coaching faith leaders into a recognition of where they fit in this narrative. Whew! How did I get here?
The short answered is: I said yes. When there is a conscious decision to follow Jesus, sometimes we simply do not know where it will lead us. All I know is that the way my faith is set up, I can rest in the promise that Jesus will be with me regardless of what happens. Coaching during this time has left me (most times) full — full in knowing that I can help other leaders to create this beloved community that we strive for daily.
I did not think that I would spend this year having these hard conversations and sitting in the tension of white silence or helping someone recognize when their actions are helpful or hurtful. As a coach, I am always waiting for the coachee to respond, “Hmm, that’s a good question.” This is when I know the coaching is working. In the last eight months I have seen my confidence as a coach increase.
In December 2019, I asked God to give me more time to be relational. God answered my prayers. Through the power of Zoom virtual conferencing, I can reach people in every time zone. What I have learned in this season is that God can use all things together for good. Even a pandemic. Back in March, I could not see how any of this was going to be purposeful. I only looked at what I was losing. Today, in this season of expectation, I can see the hope in spite of all that is happening.
One of the phrases that stuck with me when I was in training to become an executive coach is, “You are creative, resourceful and whole.” I share this with each client and group, reminding them that they have exactly everything they need to be successful. Coaching is a tool to bring out the greatness that is already inside each of us. When faith and coaching collide, beautiful and unexpected purpose is formed. And that is a hope I can rest in.
