This essay is the first in a series exploring mental health and faith.
What does it mean to “love thy neighbor as thyself” in an era where we struggle with self-love? The words of Mark 12 comprise one of the simplest and most powerful teachings in the Bible, one that sets the stage for a world of equality and love. But the meaning has been on my mind for more than a year.
I have routinely struggled with self-love, but I know I am not alone. Gen Z, of which I am a part, is not unique in our struggles with mental health. Mental health affects everyone, and I hope that you – no matter your generation – will find something powerful in my words and memories.
I spent the summer of 2022 catering weddings. It was a fun job, and I particularly enjoyed it. I was 19 at the time, younger than most of my coworkers, and I thought it was amusing listening to my coworkers talk about their favorite aspects of each wedding they catered and what they would like to do for their own weddings.
Were the dresses in style? Was the DJ worth hiring? Were the guests civilized? As the caterers, the food was always good. I didn’t have much personal investment in these weddings outside of my job serving food and washing dishes, but I still always hoped that weddings were going well, and felt uneasy when something had gone wrong, even if it was far beyond the duties of the catering company.
I went to at least two weddings a week, as did my coworkers. What I hadn’t realized, at least not for the longest time, was the toll this was taking on them. For me, I was always worried about exhaustion. Some of these shifts were 14 hours long, after all. But what I had not considered was that some of my coworkers were becoming very worn down not only by the intense hours — but also by the fact that it is very difficult to see everyone on the “happiest day of their life” when you are struggling to find happiness at all.
While we drove back from one of the weddings, one of my coworkers opened up to me /and the other passenger in the car about everything that was stressing her out. Months of bottled-up depression appeared to burst from her, all at once, as she explained that she was working all these hours because she had just bought a house and was hoping to start a family there one day, but the cost of the house and her car were making it impossible for her to save any money. No matter how many hours a week she put in (at the time she was working over 60 hours), it wasn’t enough.
When you’re doing everything you’re told will help you make a better future – buying a house, working long hours, getting your own car – and nothing seems to be working out for you, it’s easy to blame yourself.
When you’re doing everything you’re told will help you make a better future – buying a house, working long hours, getting your own car – and nothing seems to be working out for you, it’s easy to blame yourself. As wages have stagnated for decades and the cost of living increases, many people blame themselves for financial failures that really lie at the feet of corporate CEOs and boardrooms, who have made it so that employee wages have not matched increases in the cost of living. A 2022 Institute for Policy Studies report, which looked into 300 top U.S. companies, showed “the average gap between CEO and median worker pay jumped to 670-to-1 (meaning the average CEO received $670 in compensation for every $1 the worker received). The ratio was up from 604-to-1 in 2020. Forty-nine firms had ratios above 1,000-to-1,” as reported in The Guardian. My coworker was doing everything right, chasing the ever-fleeting “American Dream” and watching everything collapse — despite all the hours she was working, she was struggling to afford payments on her house, car and student loans. We worked for a good company, but sometimes it feels as though even the best companies can do little for their employees in the current cost of living crisis.
It was a very tearful trip back to headquarters.
After we returned, our next step was usually to get all the equipment we used back to where it should be. That night, we added a step. Once the car was parked, all three of us emerged, feeling the refreshing breeze of 1 a.m. on a July night, and hugged each other. No one had said we were going to do that. I think it’s better that no one did. It’s moments like these, when we feel at our most ‘human’ that I often wonder if perhaps divine intervention is at play.
And let me be clear: there was no pity in that hug. There was empathy, a shared feeling across all of us that life has seemingly become harder than ever before. That moment reminded me that we all can struggle with self-love. No one, no matter what they’re facing, should ever feel alone.
To love your neighbor, even when you struggle with self-love, means to acknowledge that they are likely struggling through something, too.
What I learned from that experience: To love your neighbor, even when you struggle with self-love, means to acknowledge that they are likely struggling through something, too. That no one is alone in their suffering, nor should be left alone in their grief.
To love your neighbor is to reach out your hand to them when you know that they need one. Even if you’re not doing okay either, you can let them know. Sometimes, knowing that a friend is also struggling, that we’re not all alone in our anguish, is the best love you can give.
