Ministry can be a lonely path, even when surrounded by people. The trendy suggestions for spiritually and professionally edifying companionship ebb and flow. We know we will need friends. And we probably know when it’s time to seek therapy. But what about the gray area between these spaces?
Often, pastors seeking mentorship are encouraged to find a coach or a spiritual director — or both! What is the difference between these two counseling roles?
Coaching
In the PC(USA), leadership often recommends and sometimes subsidizes coaching, specifically and sometimes exclusively through the International Coaching Federation model. This model of life coaching, or dare I say, “executive” coaching has been around for some time now. Its allure is that it seeks to strengthen organizations by building up the leadership skills and problem-solving capabilities of professional clergy. To that end, it reinforces a hierarchical organizational structure and echoes the assumption that pastors, particularly large church pastors, need CEO-type skills to run the church like a business.
Before that sounds overtly critical, I want to say that ICF, and other coaching programs like it, stand by a servant-leadership model. They are not selling The Art of the Deal, but their design comes out of a business model where leaders are responsible for and to the people that they lead. They lovingly echo the type of leadership books I was given early in my church career from Bill, an energetic business professor, who saw the overlap between success as a pastor and the entrepreneurial spirit. Increasingly, pastors do need to know a wily combination of skills from business management to managing the church website. And yet, to see the church as “only” a business to be run is an incomplete model.
Spiritual direction
I have companioned mostly seminarians or clergy in my practice as a spiritual director, and I believe that the gifts of spiritual direction can also prepare the “called” for their vocation. Spiritual direction is less about the business of organizational design and problem-solving, and more about deep listening for our connection to holiness. Spiritual directors remind their clergy clients that they are not responsible for growing the church; the Spirit is. Jesus didn’t say “Come, lead with me,” or “Come, grow my church,” he said, “Come, and follow me.”
Directors seek to prepare pastors for the true nature of their work, which means walking beside them on their quest to follow Jesus. Spiritual direction is less about the business of organizational design and community management, and more about deep listening for our own connection to holiness. Remember that clergy are not responsible for growing the church; the Spirit is. In this time of significant institutional change, being able to draw deep from the spiritual well will help pastors weather the challenges demanded by a restructuring church.
So… “Should I have a coach or spiritual director?”
Choose a coach if your primary goal is institutional/congregational well-being. For problem-solving, especially in times of disagreement or division, a coach is the best choice to prepare a leader to lead. Effective clergy coaching requires the mentoring coach to have a depth of congregational experience and perhaps hard-earned wisdom about the nature of relationships in a faith community.
Choose a spiritual director if your primary goal is spiritual growth and transformation. The benefits of spiritual direction may not be quantitatively measurable. Still, pastors and other church leaders who invest in their own spiritual lives will be able to know and trust God’s presence in a difficult era of rapid change and frightening instability.
International Coaching Federation Core Values (per coachingfederation.org)
Professionalism, Collaboration, Humanity, Equity
Professionalism: A commitment to a coaching mindset and professional quality that encompass responsibility, respect, integrity, competence, and excellence.
Collaboration: A commitment to develop social connection and community building.
Humanity: A commitment to being humane, kind, compassionate, and respectful towards others.
Equity: A commitment to use a coaching mindset to explore and understand the needs of others so I can practice equitable processes at all times that create equality for all.
Spiritual Direction core values (from my perspective)
Authenticity, Connection, The Divine/Human Relationship, Particularity
Authenticity: Spiritual directors hold one another accountable through either peer group and/or individual spiritual direction. Common skill development in spiritual direction programs includes deep listening, familiarity with meaningful spiritual practices, engaging discernment processes, and welcoming the flow of the Spirit through imaginative questions. Rather than working from one’s own strengths and competencies, it is about drawing out the most authentic “self” in the other.
Connection: Spiritual direction is about exploring the depth of human connection – in one’s self, in community, and with God – by upholding the universal spiritual commandment to love one another. John Calvin’s thesis is apropos here: True knowledge is about understanding ourselves and God. When we know who we are, we can more confidently and compassionately meet others where they are.
The Divine/Human Relationship: Spiritual direction relies on the assumption that we are known, beloved, and guided by Creator, and that intentional conversation is a means for faith to seek understanding. It is unapologetically trifold in practice. The director, directee, and the Holy Spirit are present as conversation partners in this relationship.
Particularity: This is an “each” not an “all” practice. Whereas it is valuable to consider that all people are children of God and deserve fairness and equality; our aspiration to uphold true equity simply does not happen under the reality of human fallibility and systemic injustice. Spiritual direction magnifies that each person is a child of God, valuable to the greater whole for their gifts and loved regardless of their limitations. My attention as a director is always prayerfully set on the person in front of me: right here, right now. My belief is that each person has their own journey to walk with the Spirit and what is unique to that person is truly holy.
Don’t sacrifice the Spirit in favor of skills
Today’s working pastors need to be spiritually grounded and visionaries with practical skills. Both spiritual direction and coaching can be useful in fueling a fulfilling ministry. Yet, as a spiritual director, I see how choosing the coaching model to the exclusion of spiritual direction is a surefire way to burn out pastors. When the advice they receive is always connected to action – tweak this program, change this relationship dynamic, reorganize this department – it can be hard to keep up.
The church is undergoing a seismic spiritual shift. The gifts of spiritual directors can help to navigate our current storms and the tidal waves of change yet to come. Spiritual directors are committed to the ancient ways, the mystical truths, the sacred knowledge that the God who was, is, and always will be. Pastors need to know for whom they are working. It isn’t the congregation or the denomination or the preservation of the status quo.
Pastors summoned into ministry today must be prepared to midwife the birth of the church of tomorrow. That takes awareness of what it means to lead with grace, and mindfulness for what it takes to follow with courage.
