In the midst of that writing project, I heard of yet another church planning to leave the denomination. What did I do? I sent a snotty note to a friend in that church, expressing judgments of the pastor — another friend of mine — that totally lacked in grace, kindness, respect and cooperation.
Sure enough, the person who got the note didn’t pick up on my gracelessness, so it was forwarded to the pastor, who, after he tried his best to cool down a bit, confronted me in another e-mail. Busted. Like Adam and Eve first recognizing their nakedness, I wanted to run for cover, to 
find a bunch of fig leaves to hide behind.
I’m not one to use this column to provide myself a personal confessional. But this act of foolishness does serve as a case study in the mess that church conflicts generate. At times like these, we believers inevitably behave badly. And these days our misdeeds are getting broadcast at the speed of the Internet.
Most often we offend by pronouncing offensive judgments of others. We often allow those judgments to turn to slanderous gossip and backbiting. Often that turns into strategies to expose or undermine or negate them. Or we simply issue warnings and threats to destroy them. And we file restraining orders. Or lock doors. Or file lawsuits. Or accuse them of doing to us the very things we are doing to them — seeing their sins clearly while being oblivious to our equally bad or exceedingly worse sins.
When we get caught up in church conflicts, we’ll all generally obey only the first half of that New Testament command, “Be angry, but do not sin” (Eph. 4:26).
Moses probably hadn’t conjured up the idea of the Internet when he was quoted as saying “Your sin will find you out” (Num. 32:23), but he might have welcomed the Internet’s use. Maybe the public shaming would have accelerated the nation’s confessions of sin.
Unfortunately for today’s church, our sinning ways are more easily noticed by others than by ourselves. We go on our merry way promising to sow seeds of grace, kindness, respect, etc., while doing the very opposite. And we wonder why our churches are shrinking.
No, let’s not place the full blame for church shrinkage upon our judgmentalism and slander and church strife. Demographics, migration and economics have pulled down our attendance numbers. Competition from other activities, e.g., Sunday morning Little League games and unlimited entertainment options, have taken a big bite. And lots of other bad behaviors — scandals, cover-ups, embezzlements, haughtiness — have discredited our message. But don’t leave out judgmentalism, slander and church strife as significant contributors to our shrinkage.
Recent studies suggest that the “nones,” those who say they have no religious affiliation, are growing mostly because they refuse to identify with judgmental people like Christians — the group that too often deserves the brand, “the party of ‘No’.”
The good news is that the church is booming elsewhere — especially in nations where the Internet isn’t quite so ubiquitous (see pp. 10-12).
But in this land where the Internet is bringing our sins to light, we might want to use our laptops, pads and smart phones to confess our sins, to seek forgiveness and to actually reconcile with one another.
I was busted for harshly judging a colleague in ministry — and found myself fig-leafless. So I contacted that pastor back, issued a full apology. And he extended grace, kindness, respect and cooperation — in this case, cooperation with the Savior’s act of pardoning my sin — for which I am deeply grateful.
I’ve learned a thing or two from my foolish act. Might I remember those lessons long enough to keep from committing such a sin for a while? If I forget, might you have a few fig leaves I could borrow?
—JHH
