HORIZONS BIBLE STUDY 2015-2016
COME TO THE WATERS
Lesson 7 — Isaiah 35:1–2; 5–7; Psalm 51:1–12; Matthew 6:12
“Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” (Author unknown)
No one makes it through life without being wounded. The misery of being picked on, excluded, rejected or betrayed are vivid memories. Consequently, we harbor resentment. We do the instant replay in our minds over and over, remembering how we were mistreated and the obnoxious qualities of the one who wronged us.
Though many of us would shy away from the word, we want revenge. Revenge sounds so ugly, particularly if we watch dramas where the plots revolve around sensationally bringing down or killing the enemy. Our revenge is usually more subtle. It seeps out indirectly in nasty remarks, nagging or gossiping about the faults of another.
When our wounds are deep and our resentments high, forgiveness is incredibly difficult. It has been beneficial to me to understand what forgiveness is and is not. In an article that appeared in Weavings, “Moving towards forgiveness,” Marjorie Thompson makes helpful distinctions about common misconceptions about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not denying our hurt by pretending that it does not matter or believing that we don’t have a right to feel angry. Forgiveness is not resigned martyrdom, taking inappropriate responsibility for a situation or feeling like we desire to be hurt. Forgiveness is not putting the other person on probation, waiting for the person to mess up again, so we can pounce on him or her and say, “See — you are a rat!”
Forgiveness is never accepting unjust actions. There are inexcusable behaviors like physical, sexual or verbal abuse, fraud, blackmail and exploitation of workers or illegal immigrants. We do not tolerate evil behavior because to excuse it is to allow the unjust behavior to continue. God may, in fact, be calling us to expose the evil being done.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. Minor offensives we can and do forget. Thompson writes, “But for major assaults that leave us gasping with psychic pain, reeling with the sting of rejection, bowing under the weight of oppressive constraint or aching with personal loss and grief, we will find ourselves unable either to excuse or to forget.”
Some things should never be forgotten, particularly in situations of physical or sexual abuse. In those cases, the first priority is to take steps toward protection. Large-scale evil, like racism or the persecution of minorities, should never be ignored. We need to remember the evil of which all humanity is capable and work not to repeat such atrocities.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, lets go of what is due us — contrition from the other person, the “pound of flesh” or the opportunity to humiliate as we have been humiliated. It chooses not to retaliate even though the other person flat out deserves it. Forgiveness leaves to God the retribution that is due, saying to God, “You alone know all the circumstances. You alone are fully just and merciful. I leave this in your hands.”
A friend going through a divorce was full of anger at the betrayal of her husband. She said, “I don’t want to act in a way that would later make me ashamed as a Christian.” While she fell short of her goal, she set her as her standard Paul’s words, “Do not repay evil for evil but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight ofall. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:17, 21).
Forgiveness is demanding emotional and spiritual work. Yet, there are certain exercises that may help us take steps towards forgiveness.
One practice is to write a letter to the person who has wronged you, putting down how his or her actions have impacted your life. Include your feelings. Such a letter can be a daunting task, particularly if we were taught that good Christians don’t get angry. Write without editing. Don’t send the letter. Use it as a tool to name and claim the real hurt that is present.
Considered how you might have contributed to the situation or how the other person may have viewed what happened. At times, we end up at odds with others because we make assumptions about another’s motivations, when in fact we do not know. There have been times when I have gotten all knotted up about a situation and then thought about what my part in the disagreement might have been. Of course, nothing stinks more than realizing that I was in the wrong.
Reflect on the times when you have needed God’s forgiveness for the hurtful, callous or mean-spirited things you have done. Remember with gratitude God’s gifts of love and forgiveness. Practice prayers of thanksgiving. Anger and resentment cannot dig deep in the soil of gratitude.
ROSALIND BANBURY is associate pastor for adult ministries at First Church in Richmond, Virginia.
