I preach about God’s grace on the regular. I make it a point to remind people that this big, generous, expansive grace is for us too! Preaching the gospel is not always easy; we want to feel good when we finish worshipping, but sometimes the word of the day is reminding us that we fall short. That is where grace is so important. I refuse to leave it at: we messed up and will mess up. To offer a word of hope is essential to remind folks no matter how far we may fall away from the ideal, grace is ready to grab us. I may have a reputation for saying, “Grace abounds” in meetings. I believe I am called to offer grace often — just as I often find myself in need of grace.
I wonder, at seven months into a global pandemic, who doesn’t need that big, generous grace? Sure, we all needed it before — but now, whew, we are all pushed to our limits! I can only write from my own experience, so I will tell you before the word “pandemic” became a part of our everyday vocabulary, I already knew this was going to be a hard year. I knew there were some big changes coming in my life and while I was ready to embrace them, that sort of shift is always difficult. It means grief, letting go of old dreams, new routines and finding my footing in new roles. Add in this pandemic, remote learning, political tensions, natural disasters, climate change and the fight to end systemic racism and I am weary. I find my temper is shorter by the day. I have moments of pure despair, and hope has been visiting less frequently. Trying to “balance” my new normal is near impossible, I am forgetting things I would not have in January. I am in need of grace from the people I walk with. Every time I drop a ball, every time weariness overwhelms me, I feel as though I am failing in my role as parent and as pastor.
As someone who is typically preaching on Sunday mornings, I do not often get those reminders of grace. Every once in a while, the Spirit breaks in and gives me a swift and unexpected reminder. Often that reminder keeps me humble, and reminds me that I need grace too. I need grace because, wow, do I fall short! I lose my temper, I do not love well, I forget about a visit, I shy away from seeking justice… you get the idea. Then there are the times the reminder comes and takes my breath away. In those sacred moments a fellow sojourner really sees me and speaks that abundant grace to me. It is a moment of blessed assurance that no matter where I am in that moment, I can begin again, that I am loved, that grace is big enough to wrap me up and move me toward healing.
I find myself grateful for grace, both God’s and the kind that comes from people. I am grateful for colleagues who preach sermons that remind me grace is for me too. I am grateful for church leaders who understand my need to work from home. I am grateful for people who understand how heavy the weight of the world is along with all the new expectations that have been thrust upon us. I live with a heart full of gratitude for the grace God offers me, again and again and again, as I find my way living as a person of faith.
REBECCA GRESHAM-KESNER is pastor at Faith Presbyterian Church in Medford, New Jersey. Outside of church and family life, you can find her in nature, finding fun ways to be creative or asking awkwardly deep questions of people she just met.
