Editor’s note: This article as well as “SITREP: Veteran perspectives on combat and peace,” “Afghanistan,” and “Seeing the elephant” are laid out to model a SITREP reading. The reading begins with an introduction to the program and publication by Jacqueline Wilson or another faculty advisor. Then, veterans read their creative essays, stories or poetry. The program concludes with a question-and-answer time with the veterans. All pieces are published with permission of the authors. — Teri McDowell Ott
I do not want to be
Another suicide story,
A remembrance of old times,
Wrapped in a flag
For other people’s glory
Put me in a box?
That is fine, I can do the time,
Just do not write me off
Because I am different from you:
A veteran, a trans person,
Still defiant through and through
Some days are harder than the rest,
My suffering and pain put me to the test —
Emotional, psychological,
Familial, physical
I deal with it every day, the same as you
The needling pressure to not
See it all through
Sometimes I want to surrender,
To yield to my breaking dreams:
To aspire, to inspire,
To be a writer,
As they all fall apart at my feet
Disremembered, disfigured,
A girl gone wrong
So do not label me
Another suicide story,
Because I am trying
To keep myself together
I am a patchwork person,
Trying not to remember
The horror of my every day
Memories and casualties
I became one…
Somewhere along the way…
Born and raised in west-central Illinois, Sergeant Rowan Mooney attended Western Illinois University before joining the Army as a combat medic. Deployed to Iraq as an infantry line medic with the 3rd Infantry Division as part of Operations Iraqi Freedom and New Dawn, Rowan served with honor and saved several lives. Medically retired in 2013 after PTSD and injuries took their toll, Rowan attended graduate school before turning her focus to writing and advocacy work for LGBTQ veterans. She lives in central Illinois.