1 Corinthians 13:1-13
Epiphany 4C
“We have more words to describe coffee than we have to describe love,” says Elif Shafak in her podcast “Say your Word.”
It does seem odd that the English language has only one word for “love” — this complex emotion so foundational to human experience.
The Greeks had six words for love. Eros, named after the Greek god of fertility, describes sexual desire. Philia describes love towards friends, like the deep bonds soldiers share or the college roommate with whom we still share our secrets. Ludus is playful, flirtatious and casual, the love felt on the dance floor of your best friends’ wedding. Pragma is longstanding, like long-married couples enjoying each other’s company without having to say a word. Philautia, self-love, can be experienced as narcissism or as healthy self-care and self-compassion. Agape is the love we read about in 1 Corinthians 13 — it is a radical love for others, grounded in an ethic to care for all of humanity, beyond our differences and despite our immersion in a world addicted to violence. Agape is God’s love for humankind in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. For Christians, agape inspires our lives and our call as disciples.
1 Corinthians 13 is a favorite passage to read at weddings, but Paul had more than romantic love in mind. He understood agape as the antidote to the Corinthian community’s problems. In his commentary on this passage, Jeffrey D. Jones writes that the Corinthian church was “doing real and potentially destructive battle with each other over a number of issues. Paul inserts this passage in his letter not to offer a pious reflection on the way things should be, but rather to call the Corinthians to account for their behavior. Everything he says love is not, they are; everything he says love is, they are not” (Feasting on the Word, Year C, Volume 1). The Corinthian church was trapped in a cycle of conflict exacerbated by those who were envious, boastful, angry, rude, and insistent on their own way. According to Paul, radical, ethical agape is the salve of peace.
As I reflected upon this lectionary passage this week, I received two angry letters to the editor. It’s not unusual for editors to receive such messages, a natural result of publishing words that anger some and please others. The Associated Church Press even offers an annual award for the best angry letter editors received. Two in one week felt like a lot, though. They always sting, but one was particularly scathing and patronizing.
The temptation to clap back is strong. Replying quickly and swiftly with an equally angry and sharp email is a satisfying rush. Our bodies release adrenaline and cortisol during conflict, and it’s important to acknowledge how good this momentary surge of power and energy feels as we defend ourselves, our turf, or our tribe. But our fight response also fans the flames of conflict, moving us further from peace. Responding to ugly with ugly just leaves me feeling ugly.
This week, with 1 Corinthians 13 in my head, I asked myself, “How can I love these people who sent me these emails? How can I respond, authentically and genuinely, with agape?”
I didn’t respond immediately. (Love is patient.) I took my time to craft responses I hoped were respectful and authentic, choosing words that wouldn’t demean as I had felt demeaned. (Love is not envious, or boastful, or arrogant or rude.) To one writer, I acknowledged a mistake I had made and said I would work to correct it. (Love does not insist on its own way. Love rejoices in the truth.) I sent these emails, not in a rush of self-righteous adrenaline, but calmly, peacefully.
I haven’t heard back. It’s okay if I don’t. What I’ve recognized is the peace I feel in choosing to respond as I did. Trying to respond in love helped me let go of the hurt that angry words inevitably leave behind. Conflict strips the world of that which agape supplies: respect; value for each person’s dignity and worth; a path to peace. As a disciple of Christ, I pray that I may continue to respond from the best parts of myself, the parts of myself that God has filled with enough agape love to share.
Questions for reflection:
- What thoughts or feelings arise for you as you hear 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 read?
- What conflict in your life could you respond to with agape love? What would this response be like? How would this response feel?
- What conflict in your church or community calls for a response with agape love? What would this response look like? What would this response feel like?
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