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Lessons from losing

Losing is painful. According to professional athletes, it can also lead to growth, writes Andrew Taylor Troutman.

Photo by Joppe Spaa on Unsplash

When I was growing up, I played sports year-round, and whether the competition took place on a field, court, or diamond, a common adage of any coach was: “It doesn’t matter if you win or lose. It matters how you play the game.”.

I noticed that my coaches seemed to only reiterate this maxim after a loss.

This is background information for the other day when I perused the nonfiction sports section of my library, looking for Joe Posnanski’s book The Baseball 100. My eye caught another title: Losing Isn’t Everything. Intrigued, I settled into a comfortable library chair. While TV sports commentator Curt Menefee interviewed athletes involved in famous team collapses, such as the 1986 Boston Red Sox, my attention gravitated towards those who competed in individual sports such as tennis, golf and track. In my experience playing team sports, I’d found that teammates helped take the sting out of a searing defeat. Losing, like misery, loves company.

What if you were all alone?

I read about Aaron Krickstein, a rising tennis star, who lost the U.S. Open to Jimmy Connors after being ahead 5-2 in the fifth set; Jean Van de Velde, who shot a triple bogey on the last hole of the 1999 British Open; and Mary Decker, the American racing legend, who tumbled on the final lap of the 3,000-meter race in the 1984 Olympics.

However, each individual emerged from defeat with a broader perspective on life. Van de Valde stated that golf was just a game, and of far greater importance was the civil war in Syria (this interview took place in 2016). Krickstein said that no one should feel sorry for him; he doesn’t feel sorry for himself. Decker cared less for the loss than that the fall had injured her enough to prevent running just for fun.

As different as they were, it seemed all of the athletes interviewed by Menefee discovered that losing gifted them with greater empathy. They were better able to understand the world outside of sports and comprehend true loss. Without suffering their defeats, they may not have become as compassionate.

Sports are a multibillion-dollar industry. Athletes are some of the most famous people in the world. However, an ancient saying comes to mind: What is the benefit of acquiring the world at the cost of one’s soul? Perhaps defeat provides an opportunity for reassessment. Losing isn’t everything. An individual’s sacred worth is much more than any single act, even if it happened to be watched by millions of people.

While I read in the library, two of my children played chess. When the older one put his younger sibling in checkmate, she responded by knocking all the remaining pieces to the floor in frustration. Losing is painful. Losing may also mark a new beginning.

I helped my daughter pick up the chess pieces, and then she wanted to play again.

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