One of the greatest gifts young adults are offering the church is a reminder of the importance of belonging. Belonging is more than joining a group, a social club or even a church. It is about cultivating meaningful relationships that can counter loneliness and create space for community.
In my work as a campus minister, I have witnessed what happens when we begin by creating spaces for belonging. Community forms in ways we could not have imagined. Students find room to explore their beliefs and faith, and difficult conversations can happen across political and social divides.
Creating spaces for belonging
One of the unique elements of our campus ministry is our student-run coffee shop, Calvin’s Coffee House. Over its 16 years, Calvin’s has created an environment that prioritizes welcome and hospitality, allowing students to linger and build community.
The sociological concept of a third place – neither home nor work – becomes very real in our building. With comfortable couches, soft lighting and proximity to campus, Calvin’s is a place where students talk about classes and assignments as well as the hopes and struggles they face. It has become holy ground they return to often, regardless of their religious views.
Being seen and known
Our baristas’ role is about more than making drinks. It is about recognizing and knowing our regulars and occasional visitors alike. That means remembering more than someone’s order. It means noticing when someone is having a difficult day and offering a kind word or simply the comfort of a familiar presence.
Each year when we hire new staff, we hear stories from applicants about being welcomed and cared for at Calvin’s, retreating there when life was hard or finding renewal through an event or conversation. Those experiences draw students back and make them want to help create that same sense of belonging for others.
Belonging before believing
More and more, people are connecting to congregations where they feel seen, known and cared for. That sense of belonging can make it easier to ask important questions about faith without fear of judgment.
Many of the students in our ministry were not raised Presbyterian. Some of their first questions are:
- Are women allowed to have leadership roles?
- What is your position on LGBTQIA participation?
- Do I have to profess faith in Jesus and believe he died for my sins to be accepted here?
These are important questions, but they are also questions about belonging: Am I welcome here? Is this a safe place to explore what I believe?
Honestly asking questions about faith in community is a vulnerable act, particularly for those who did not grow up in church or are exploring a Christian tradition different from the one in which they were raised. Before people can wrestle openly with questions of faith, they need to know that the church’s welcome does not depend on having those questions settled.
Belonging makes room for disagreement
I once watched two students passionately debate a contentious cultural issue, with neither giving much ground. The conversation ended abruptly, and I feared their friendship might share the same fate.
When I later asked one student about the conversation, they told me that they and their friend simply disagreed on the issue — and that their friendship was strong enough to tolerate that disagreement.
I have seen this capacity in other student relationships as well. Differences in beliefs and values do not necessarily end a relationship. Their commitment to one another can create space for disagreement. This does not mean that every view or value is accepted, but it does mean relationships can hold differences without requiring complete agreement.
What can the church learn?
How can the church draw on these insights to cultivate belonging?
Churches are already places where many people gather and form meaningful relationships. Yet those relationships are often generationally bound and established over years. For young adults, young families and others who attend only sporadically, breaking into those groups can feel like a Herculean task.
The question, then, is how churches can cultivate a culture in which we notice our neighbors and make an effort to know them. What young adults are showing us is that belonging will not come from a particular program or event. It grows when a community commits to helping people – newcomers and longtime members alike – feel seen, known and loved.
