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Love looks like …

I WILL NEVER FORGET MY WEDDINGS. You are reading correctly: I had two weddings. A very small and private wedding in Georgia and an extravagant large celebration in Mexico. We needed to have two weddings not only because we needed that much support, but because my family could not bear the idea of not having a traditional Mexican wedding.

boda1Defining love is pretty much an impossible task, so metaphors are the best way to do it. Both of our weddings remind me of what love looks like: my mother-in-law, my father, and two of our closest friends playing a hymn together; two sermons preached by two people dear to us; friends traveling from everywhere to join in our celebration. Love looks like indescribable support that it is palpable, breathable.

I always thought that marriage was not necessary. Like many millennials, I thought that as long as I made a commitment to someone and that someone made a commitment to me, we were going to be just fine. I embarked on a journey trying to find out why we get married and why we do it in public. These are some of my discoveries.

When we make promises to God and to other people privately, we can forget our promises easily. Or decide to make some edits, since no one knows what we promised in our hearts. I learned that in some Judeo-Christian traditions it is not the presence of a priest or rabbi, or the exchange of vows or the exchange of rings but the presence of witnesses that makes valid the commitment that two people make in a wedding ceremony.

A cheesy phrase says that love is the only thing that multiplies when you divide it, and as cheesy as it is, I agree. Even Jesus’ first miracle had something to do with sharing the joy of a wedding. Being surrounded by those who they love and love them affirms the couple in their commitment.

A marriage is not the work of two persons. It takes the support of many, and the celebration of a marriage is a great way to remind our communities that it is not only up to the couple, but up to all of them to make this relationship last. There are very few things that have astounded me as much as seeing all sorts of people from near and far, from so many random areas of our lives surrounding us with their love, prayers and good vibes (many of our friends are not Christian). It was truly like being clothed with an armor of love, preparing us for the good and the bad times.

boda2I learned on my journey that the marriage celebration is all about remembrance. The couple remembers why they are taking that step; the community surrounding them remembers promises to support the couple and each other; and we are all reminded of what God’s love looks like, since everything we do in a wedding is permeated by it.

Lastly and unexpectedly, the greatest discovery for me was being reminded of what church is: Church is a bunch of people who don’t belong together, people who don’t speak necessarily speak the same language or agree on any matter, people who would not be in the same room if it wasn’t for love, people who support love wherever they find it.

When I think of how love looks, I think of balloons, straw hats and bandanas, masks and a hundred people from all backgrounds dancing with my husband and me. Love looks like prayers covering us from literally all continents. Love looks like five hours of non-stop dancing, laughing at my dad’s silly dance moves and remembering how I met every single person in that party. So wherever you find it, however it looks, make sure you support love.

ClaudiaAguilarRubalcavaCLAUDIA AGUILAR RUBALCAVA is associate dean of student services at Columbia Theological Seminary in Decatur, Georgia.

 

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