WE CAN ALL PROBABLY AGREE ON THIS MUCH: This year’s SCOTUS decision on marriage was epic. But what caught my imagination was the nearly ubiquitous headline: “Love wins!” Who isn’t for that?
When Jesus summed up the whole biblical shootin’ match, he first cribbed from the Old Testament: “Love God,” and then added, “Love your neighbor.” When the apostle Paul explained that faith, hope and love should occupy our efforts, he concluded “the best of the three is love.” Paul once chastised some zealous believers: “Knowledge puffs up; but love builds up.” And, just a guess here, but I suspect one of the most ignored verses in the Bible might be Jesus’ admonition to “love your enemies.”
Clearly, biblically speaking, love does win… at least theoretically. In fact, Brian Doyle notes, “it’s a tough assignment.” (“Lord … could we not have been assigned something easier, like astrophysics or quantum mechanics?”) It’s tough because love wins most when we choose not only to love those who love us, but when we choose to love those who disregard us, who judge us and write us off, even those who hate us. (Note to self: Nobody has a corner on hatred; it is an equal opportunity behavior.)
The problem that is anyone can be right in the wrong way — in a boastful, rub your nose in it, you are such an idiot, ha-ha who is the loser now? kind of way. The challenge for all of us is to be right in the right kind of way, recognizing we all share a common humanity, that we’re all in this together despite our differences.
It’s a tough assignment because love wins not only when you love those who look or think or act like you — but when you love all those totally different others. Love wins not just when you love the person who loves you, but the person who doesn’t love you.
The thing is, if I do not budge one inch in my belief in the authority of Scripture and am unwavering in my defense of traditional marriage as the biblical ethic, but am dogged by a loathing for those who are totally convinced I am wrong, then love stumbles. Or, if I am unflinchingly committed to marriage as being between one man and one woman, but hate LGBTQ or X-Y-Z (fill in the blank) folks, then love falls short.
And, if I celebrate the SCOTUS decision for gay marriage, but do not have love for those who are devastated by this decision, then love flops. Or, if I am elated that I can finally marry the person I love, but do not love the person who says I can’t or shouldn’t, then love falters.
Love wins when we are right in the right way, in a non-hateful, non-haughty, humble way; when we are unwilling to write anybody off for any reason — because it’s not in our job description.
Of course, love does not mean I have to agree with you. I don’t even have to “like” you (on Facebook or anywhere else). But I cannot dismiss you; I cannot even just tolerate you. Jesus-people must treat others with dignity and respect. Love does not put down or tear apart or destroy — simply because Christ died even for those with whom I disagree deeply.
When truth and love are wrestling, love wins. That doesn’t mean theology gets kicked to the curb; seeking to know God and God’s will matters. Even still, love trumps all.
The assignment is, then, in the middle of profound disagreement to commit to less shouting and more listening and zero-tolerance for gloating; to seek early and often to honor and build up all others. Perhaps then we might venture to say: Score one for love!
HEIDI HUSTED ARMSTRONG serves as an interim pastor in the Pacific Northwest.
