Let it be known that when I die there is not to be a celebration of my life. There will be a funeral – not a celebration of my life, but a service of witness to the resurrection, as our tradition has come to call it.
I pastored a church for 38 years and participated in over 200 such services. I count those as among the highest privileges of my pastoral ministry. In retirement I miss such opportunities more than just about any other aspect of pastoring.
Whether it’s a funeral with casket or cremains or a memorial service, these are services of Christian worship. If there is celebrating, it is celebrating the victory of the Lord Jesus over death. It is the celebrating caught in the victorious singing of an appropriate hymn, such as “For All the Saints.”
The service should have an order of worship much like that of any Lord’s Day worship with four movements: gathering, hearing God’s word read and proclaimed, responding to God’s goodness and being sent out into service. There is room for a few words spoken about the deceased, but the focus is not on the deceased, but on the living Lord.
There should be three aspects considered. First, the gathering is centered on the worship of God. This assumes that there is a faith orientation both in the deceased and those close to that one. Did she believe in Jesus and identify with the church? If so, that shapes the gathering. If the deceased did not believe, whether close survivors do or do not, sensitivity is required. It is not ours to make ultimate judgments that are God’s alone to make; it is ours graciously to proclaim the good news of the Lord Jesus. If the grieving survivors, even if unchurched, have come to the church in their time of loss, let the church serve them without judgment.
Second, it is appropriate to have a time of remembering the one now dead. For many years I offered an “open mic” time, with the invitation for anyone to offer words of remembrance. Having heard too many rambling words and too many incidents that simply didn’t fit in worship, I have shifted. Now I prefer that the family be granted the privilege of saying some words and/or selecting a few others (not more than three) to speak for them. One to two minutes per person is sufficient, unless just one person will do a eulogy, for which I suggest not more than five minutes. Such words should be written out in advance and brought to the service. I also offer to speak for them as they share their memories with me.
Third, the service reminds all present of the reality of death. Every death is a reality check for the living. Whenever I spoke of that reality – and I regularly did in funeral services – I knew that I had the attention of everyone present. I never ended on that note, but it served wonderfully to allow me to speak of the hope which followers of Jesus hold: the Good News of the Resurrection of our Lord.
Harry Heintz was pastor of Brunswick Church in Troy, New York for 38 years. He is adjunct professor at Northeaster Seminary and continues to preach throughout the Presbytery of Genesee Valley (and beyond).
