Does the PC(USA) believe, as the Book of Order says, that marriage is a “unique commitment between two people,” or should pastors be permitted to maintain multiple simultaneous romantic relationships?
GA227 overture CON-10 has revealed a lack of clarity on that question. Some voices, such as More Light Presbyterians, have called Presbyterians to affirm those in polyamorous relationships, while I’ve personally heard from others who assume the denomination’s standards already prohibit such relationships for teaching elders.
The General Assembly has an opportunity to speak clearly. Are Presbyterian ministers expected to be exclusively faithful to their spouses or not?
The Advisory Committee on Social Witness Policy has recommended rejecting CON-10 in favor of a longer process to study Christian marriage. Yet Scripture provides the guidance we need. Marriage is not merely a cultural institution. As the Book of Order affirms, “Christian marriage is an institution ordained of God.” From Genesis onward, Scripture presents marriage as an exclusive covenant between two people that reflects God’s faithfulness to God’s people.
One flesh
Uniquely among human relationships, Scripture describes marriage as creating a “one flesh” bond (Matthew 19:5). In commanding ministers in his day to be faithful to their wives, the prophet Malachi recalled Genesis 2:24, asking them, “Did God not make them one flesh with [the] Spirit in it?” (Malachi 2:15).
Related reading: “Overture requiring PC(USA) ministers to be monogamous generates debate, confusion” by Gregg Brekke, Presbyterian Outlook reporting
While Scripture records instances of polygamy, it never presents them as models to emulate. Abraham and Sarah’s mistreatment of Hagar is portrayed as a lack of faith in God, while Solomon’s embrace of multiple wives turned into an embrace of multiple gods. There is no positive scriptural description of someone becoming one with another, and then one with someone else, and then one with someone else. Marriage’s exclusivity is not incidental to the one-flesh bond; it is essential to what that bond means.
For church leaders, especially
The Council of Nicaea prohibited bishops and presbyters from cohabitating with unrelated women, not because extra-marital sex was acceptable for lay people but because it was especially odious for those who should be role models to their congregations. That wasn’t an innovation: the New Testament gives the same command.
Both Titus 3:6 and 1 Timothy 3:2 say that an elder must be “the husband of one wife.” And in case there is doubt that this applies to women as well, 1 Timothy 5:9 says to give special care for a widow who has “been the wife of one husband.”
The Seventh Commandment
The Seventh Commandment – “You shall not commit adultery” – is central to the Christian understanding of marriage and sexual ethics. Any argument for Christian polyamory must therefore reckon with what Scripture means by adultery and whether that meaning can be redefined by mutual agreement between spouses.
Related reading: “God’s love is not scarce: A Presbyterian case for polyamory” by David W. Congdon
The notion that extra-marital sexual relations are not adultery if a spouse consents is biblically and lexically mistaken. Throughout the Old Testament, adultery only ever refers to sexual relations between a married person and someone other than that person’s spouse. Jesus further extends the meaning of the Seventh Commandment to say, “everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Jesus does not provide an exception for a consenting spouse, and he does not mean to.
Defining adultery primarily in terms of consent is ethically hazardous. If we believe that there are power imbalances in relationships, then it is difficult to see how there can be truly freely given consent for extramarital relations. A spouse may agree to an arrangement out of fear of losing a marriage, financial security, or family stability. Historically, the Christian church has sought to protect vulnerable spouses by upholding mutual exclusivity in marriage and condemning practices such as concubinage or maintaining romantic partners outside the marriage covenant. To weaken that standard strengthens the position of the more powerful partner at the expense of the less powerful one.
Related reading: “Polyamory, church policy and the limits of regulation” by April Stace
Professor and Episcopal priest April Stace posits that the idea of exclusive faithfulness in marriage is a preoccupation with relationship structure rather than relational ethics. I believe that marriage matters, even if it is a “structure,” because marriage is a structure created by God. But not committing adultery is not a matter of “structure” — it is relational ethics: acting morally and faithfully towards spouse and towards God.
Our faithfulness in marriage and our refraining from adultery reflect a picture of God’s love for us.
A picture of God’s faithfulness
None of this is God unjustly interfering with people’s private lives (as if any of God’s instructions could be unjust). Rather, faithful marriage between two people serves as a picture of how it is that God relates to the church.
Numerous times throughout the Bible, God’s people are called the “bride.” And to whom are we married? In 2 Corinthians 11:2, Paul tells the church that he “betrothed you to one husband” — Christ. That exclusivity is important: God is not willing to share his people with any other gods, be they explicit idols (Baal, Asherah, and the rest) or more subtle idolatries: “You cannot serve God and money” (Luke 16:13).
Our marriages, Ephesians 5 makes clear, are meant to show what God’s relationship with the church looks like. A marriage characterized by love, respect, encouragement to holiness, and exclusive faithfulness is a message to us and a message to the world that the one who has made us God’s people is overflowingly loving and will never leave us for another.
Our affections for God should not be split. We should expect elders in the PC(USA) to show unsplit affection for God by living faithfully with one spouse in that one flesh bond with unsplit affections.
The question before the General Assembly
Given the attention this question has received, the General Assembly should state clearly that teaching elders are expected to be exclusively faithful to their spouses. Whatever changes delegates may wish to make to CON-10’s wording, the underlying question is straightforward: can Presbyterian ministers practice polyamory? Scripture, the confessions, and the church’s historic teaching all point to the same answer: no.
