I remember David Steele’s thoughts when he retired from his pastorate. In his inimitable way he spoke of a beloved parishioner who was sick, and of the strong pull to go and see him, so that the member’s needs would be met. After some consideration, and probably a bit of prayer, Steele made the wise decision to stay put, and not to visit this fellow. Others would have to do the task.
He stayed away.
Steele faced the concern that many retired ministers do. A long pastorate is filled with relationships built over time. They are deep and meaningful. Some of these pastoral relationships become friendships. And, yes, some of these friendships endure over time.
In my view David did the wise thing. Perhaps he even did a wiser thing when he moved away to a location far distant from his pastorate. Of course, not all of us who retire can do that. In my situation, my young wife and I bought a house not far away from the church’s location upon my retirement. Due to her failing health and some other considerations, she did not leave the congregation when I retired, and shortly died.
I had fully explained to the folks what my leaving meant, and perhaps it eased the way.
I would stay away.
I commend this practice to retiring ministers.
Now, there will be times when the “old pastor” will be invited to be present, say, for an anniversary or other special event. There will also be times, particularly just after retirement (or leaving for some other reason) when he or she will be invited by the Session and the Pastor to participate in a wedding or a funeral. Circumstances alter cases, and there are no rules in this area that work for everyone, all the time.
I would not be raising this question if I were not aware of the difficulties caused, perhaps unwittingly, by the presence of former ministers on a regular basis in the activities of the church once served, perhaps for years. I have learned of situations in which the “old pastor” becomes a substitute for the new leadership. Now and then I hear of ministers who continue to play an active pastoral role in a congregation once served. I have known of preachers who have refused to relinquish secular community leadership roles that could be well filled by the new person.
Contrary voices also need to be heard here. One minister I know, who served a congregation for more than thirty-five years, continues to attend that church with his family. He engages regularly in conversation with the new pastor, and occasionally assists at services. For him, and to his successor, his leaving would be poor stewardship. Perhaps in some situations, staying works for the good. Another pastor, long serving and much loved, would disagree with me, mildly. He found participation in his former church in the choir very helpful. He was, I might add, invited to return by the new minister, after a year of absence.
The presbytery of which I am a member has wisely published a policy, advisory in nature, which delineates the responsibilities of retiring or leaving pastors. It suggests that the retiring person allow a substantial time between leaving and returning. While it does not discourage all contact, it recognizes that continued contact of a pastoral sort can seriously impede the building of relationships, either with an interim or with the permanent pastor.
In any case, all pastoral contact with a previously served church must involve consultation with the church’s present leadership.
I did say that there might be exceptions. Surely there are. Any reader can think of extenuating circumstances, such as the health and mobility of the retired pastor, certain family considerations, and others.
Leavings are most often fraught with difficulties. In some ways, leavings are like the little deaths that prepare us for the later, permanent one. That said, the advice of a wise teacher stands: You can’t say hello, until you have said goodbye.
Good advice.
Jesus is a good model here. His followers were distressed that he was going to leave them for good. They treasured his presence. How can we go on without our leader and teacher? they asked. We can remember some of these parting words in John’s Gospel: It is expedient that I go away. I will send you another comforter. Peace I leave with you. And, then, he was taken up into the presence of God.
We who are ministers of the church, and most particularly those who are retired from pastorates, need to know that God will send the church the care it needs, even in our absence.
Lawton W. Posey is a retired Presbyterian minister who lives in Charleston, W.V.
