I prefer silver to gold jewelry. I’m not sure why, but I always have. I prefer mustard to ketchup, white bread to wheat bread and snowboarding to skiing. Someone asked me recently to explain why I prefer the color green to the color purple. (Give that one a shot – I dare you!) Sometimes we can easily explain our preferences, but when it comes to why we like to look at a certain color more than another or listen to one type of music versus another, we often cannot pinpoint the reason we enjoy one more than the other. And even when we can, my preference doesn’t make me right. And it doesn’t make someone with a different preference wrong. But, sometimes it seems like life would be easier if that was the case, doesn’t it?
I find we often like to pretend that we, as Christians, are exempt from preferences or perhaps that they do not exist for us because the Holy Spirit guides us to the truth — even about whether contemporary worship music or traditional music is better. See where I’m headed with this? As a community of Jesus Christ, we seem especially reticent to admit that even in ministry, even in church, we have our personal preferences! Instead of just saying, “I prefer the color red, so that’s the reason I want us to order red hymnals for the sanctuary,” I might instead say, “Red would match the worship space better, so we should order red hymnals for the sanctuary.” Now, don’t get me wrong, there are reasonable justifications for making color choices, but we often act as if our opinions play no part in church decision-making.
Malcolm Gladwell’s book, “The Tipping Point,” left an impression on me. In the book, he makes the scientific claim that human beings are wildly inconsistent. We might describe ourselves as honest, kind and straightforward, but when given opportunities to act out these traits, we most often fall short. If Gladwell is correct, we might be better off describing ourselves in our pursuit of these traits. Or better yet, perhaps Christians should take a page out of that old book and describe ourselves as who we are in light of what kind of the God we love and serve. And maybe we should admit some of our inconsistencies – even embrace them – because God’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
What does this have to do with opinions or preferences? I often wonder if ministry would be easier if we were all a little bit more open about who we are and what we like (and dislike), if we stopped trying to get our way by “spiritualizing” our preferences, if we stopped apologizing for enjoying one thing over another, if we were honest about not just the what, but the why too. Because if we admit that we prefer one thing over another, than maybe we can admit that, if it’s really just personal preference, then maybe it’s not that big of a deal. I imagine that there is a way to compromise, to add variety, and to make changes so that we can all enjoy the “stuff” about church. And perhaps naming aloud our opinions would help us realize how privileged and advantaged we are to have these conversations inside (and outside) our churches in the first place. And maybe, just maybe, reframing preferences and disagreements and discussions around preferences, as occasions of fortune and even blessing, will inspire us to remain content and charitable even when our preference doesn’t prevail or get the majority vote (we are Presbyterian after all).
And, by the grace of God, on our best days, when we remember we are only Christians because of the sacrificial death (and victorious resurrection) of Jesus Christ, we might be willing to sacrifice one of those preferences so that a brother or sister in Christ feels just a little more welcome in the church we love and serve.
JULIE RAFFETY serves as the pastor at First Presbyterian Church in Franklin, New Jersey. Julie is a violinist, aspiring writer, snowboarder, runner, identical twin and crazy about popcorn.
